


You promised me

by Justafan



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: I cant do tags but like just read it, M/M, Multi, Raven Neil Josten, Stockholm Syndrome, rape (kinda), stuff like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:20:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 23,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8899102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafan/pseuds/Justafan
Summary: Riko is in love with Raven! Neil(called Nathaniel mostly). Kevin promised that he would take Nathaniel away from all this but he's gone now, what choice does Nathaniel have but to love Riko back?





	1. He left you

“Idiots! Every single one of you, get off my court! End of practise! Come back when you're worthy enough to pick up a racquet.”

The ravens sighed collectively after hearing Riko’s command, in either defeat or relief, and trudged off the court. Nathaniel was the last to leave save for Riko, who just stood, staring at the goal in contemplation.

“Riko, you coming?”

Riko didn't move or look over at him, but said, “Come here.”

Nathaniel obeyed without question, “yes, Riko?”

Riko tore his gaze from the goal to study Nathaniel’s face, his helmet was off and Nathaniel could tell that Riko was looking at the 3 on his cheek, still slightly red because of how fresh it was.

“The perfect court,” Riko murmured, not taking his eyes off the tattoo. “You, me…” His eyes darkened suddenly, to a shade that always made Nathaniel shiver, “...and Kevin.” the way he said his name, no, not said, snarled, made Nathaniel suspect something was wrong. “Riko? What about Kevin? Is he not supposed to come back tomorrow?” there was a slight edge to Nathaniel’s voice, laced with worry and fear. 

“Kevin isn't coming back,” was all Riko said before he walked towards the court door, “No questions.” He spoke without looking at Nathaniel, as if reading his mind. “You will run 5 laps, shower, then go back to your room.”

“But-” Riko turned as the words left Nathaniel’s regretful lips, “No BUTS. You will run 10 laps now.” his voice was full of malice and he left the court without another word.

Reluctantly Nathaniel started off running, despite having gone 4 hours of training he finished the 10 laps with ease and left the court to go shower. He shed his kit quickly and stepped into the shower, eager to feel the hot water on his sore and tired limbs. He didn't stay in too long though, as his mind was racing and he just wanted to sleep. Kevin isn't coming back? What did Riko mean? Nathaniel tried to push the thoughts from his mind, but they wouldn't budge. He’ll just ask Jean, who had shared a room with him for so long that neither of them had any need for secrets. Since he was the only one of the two who had access to social media (Riko refused to let Nathaniel have any access to the outside world) Nathaniel figured that Jean had some idea as to what was going on here. 

This was why everyone was on edge during practice today, everyone must have known save for himself. This was why Riko was particularly harsh, even to him. Kevin. He was the problem.

He opened the door to his bedroom and he saw Jean sitting on his bed, not sprawled on it like he usually was but upright and frigid, which was because of the other person in their bedroom. Riko stood at Nathaniel’s bedside table, emptying the small amount of belongings that Nathaniel owned into a cardboard box. He turned and grinned at Nathaniel when he saw him in the doorway, “Nathaniel! About time, pack the rest of your stuff yourself.”

“Pack?”

Riko tutted and waved a finger at him, “Did I not say no questions? I'll give you an answer to that one since you look very cute in this light, and every other light,” he said smirking at him. “You're moving into my room.” Riko started towards the door, roughly shoving the box at Nathaniel.

“But wha-” He was interrupted by Riko’s hand connecting with the cheek opposite of the tattoo, “Did I not say no buts as well? Don't disobey me again, now go pack.” He left the room, the door slamming shut behind him.

“Jean,” Immediately turning his words to French, Nathaniel looked at his life long friend with fear in his eyes, “What am I going to do?”

Jean met his gaze and language with a defeated look, “You're going to move in with Riko, I'll help you pack.”

“Why? Where's Kevin?” 

“Kevin has left the Ravens. He joined the Foxes.”

The foxes. Nathaniel knew them as an average team which was famous for the coaches unusual choice of unruly teammates. To be honest Nathaniel thought they were a joke, not worthy of their class I title. “No. He couldn't have. He promised…”

Jean turned to him from where he had been sorting Nathaniel’s clothes from the set of drawers they shared and snapped, “Don't think I don't know what he promised you, he told you straight up lies, all of it. He was never going to leave this shithole with you. He never even cared about you. He just wanted you as an ally, all part of his plan to leave. He was never going to help you.” 

Nathaniel dropped to the floor in shocking realisation, leaning against the wall and drawing his knees up to his chest, “No. No. He wouldn't do that, he promised, he swore, that he would get me out of here. That he would protect me.”

Jean emptied the last of Nathaniel’s clothes into the box Riko had given him, then knelt down beside Nathaniel.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I warned you, he was just too good to be true, it was only a matter of time since the ‘accident’. I'm going to miss you, roomie.”

Jean wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squeezed him in a hug. 

“Who's going to tell me about what's going on in the real world?” Nathaniel asked. “You're all I have left.” the despair in that line matches the look on Jean’s face, it didn't matter that Nathaniel was only moving a door down, they both knew that the silent comfort they got from being in each others presence was over. The only time they would see each other would be at practice and occasionally at meals or meetings, there would be no late night whispered words of French, no silent laughs at Nathaniel’s lack of ability to use tumblr, no conversations using only their eyes and eyebrows. Nathaniel belonged to Riko now, not that he didn't already belong to him before, but now it got 100 times worse.

“You need to go.” Jean said, standing at returning to sit on his bed, not looking Nathaniel in the eye. 

Nathaniel stood up slowly and bent down to pick up his box of belongings, “Goodbye, my friend.”

But Nathaniel’s farewell went unanswered as he closed the door behind him, just as he heard the muffled, almost silent sobs that emitted from his old bedroom. Nathaniel himself did not let his tears flow, just walked towards his new room with his head held high, he knocked on the door and heard Riko call out “Come in!”

He took a deep breath, and exhaled in time with him opening the door. He saw Riko lying on his bed with his laptop in his lap, “Welcome home.”

It was just like his and Jean’s room, although it was noticeably bigger, and the two beds were pushed together to create a double bed, one he and Riko would share.

“Close the door and put the box somewhere, you can unpack later. For now you must be tired.” Nathaniel did as he was told and stood at the door of the bed, waiting. 

“Come into the bed, don't worry, I don't bite. Hard.” ha laughed and Nathaniel went and layed on the bed, “You sleep in jeans and shoes? That doesn't seem comfortable.” another one of his laughs. Nathaniel got what Riko was implying and pulled off his shoes, socks and jeans, leaving him in just his tight fitting boxers and a loose t-shirt. Riko was in similar attire. “Beautiful.” Riko let his hungry eyes roam over his body, resting on the tattoo once more, “absolutely beautiful.”

Riko returned his attention to his laptop and said, “I've got work to do so no time to play today. Snuggle up and get some rest baby.”

Nathaniel put on the smile reserved only for Riko, “okay, night night babe.” he got under the sheets and lay his head near to Riko's arm, and closed his eyes. He fought back a jump when he felt Riko’s hand running through his hair, and despite the change in location, Nathaniel’s tired limbs demanded rest and he fell asleep easily.

 

Kevin jolted awake, flying up in his bed as he shouted, “Nathaniel!”

“Jesus fucking Christ Kevin!” Nicky called out, no doubt awoken by Kevin's shout, “It's 3 in the morning! And who the fuck is Nathaniel?”

“Yeah Kevin.” Andrew started, “Who's Nathaniel? That's the one person you only mention in your sleep, yet he isn't talked about during the day. Who is he? He's not a raven, there's no ‘Nathaniel’ on the team.” the amusement in his voice infuriated Kevin. Kevin had told him everything else, couldn't he keep this one thing to himself? 

“He's no one Andrew, go to sleep.”

And that was it over. Andrew didn't question further and Nicky’s soft snores were beginning once more. Kevin didn't get anymore sleep.

 

“Wake up babe,” Nathaniel heard Riko say softly into his ear. “It's time to play.” That was what got Nathaniel truly awakened. As he opened his eyes he realised there were cuffs on his wrists, attaching him to the headboard, his t-shirt was long gone and the only item of clothing that remained were his boxers, Riko was straddling his thighs and was playfully toying with the knife in his hands. He looked at Nathaniel with lustful eyes, “Do you want me as much as I want you Nathaniel.” 

No. No. Nathaniel longed to say. I don't want this at all, “Yes,” he breathed.

“Yes what?” Riko said as he laid the edge of his knife on Nathaniel’s chest.

“Yes...Master.”

Nathaniel yelped as Riko shallowly cut a line down his chest, starting at the collar bone and ending at the bottom of his ribcage. Riko leaned down, their cheeks connecting as he whispered,

“I want to make you scream.”


	2. The caress of a violent hand

Nathaniel woke with his body screaming at him, he couldn't scream out loud though, as his voice was too hoarse from the night before. He looked over to where Jean was supposed to be and saw only more bed and a bedside table. No one to clean his wounds. No one to care for him. They've all left.

Then he saw Riko come out of his private bathroom, a luxury no other teammate shared, with a clean cloth and some pills with water. He set the wet cloth down on his bedside table and propped Nathaniel’s head up with a pillow, Nathaniel was too tired and sore to focus on anything but Riko’s caring gaze, the previous night’s anger was gone.

“Baby I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you like that.” he handed him the pills and the water and Nathaniel gulped it down eagerly.

“I just...I get so angry, at the team, at Kevin, even at you baby. But I mostly get angry at myself.”

He picked the wet cloth up and placed it gently on Nathaniel's chest, it was warm and comforting so Nathaniel let out a sigh.

“You need to know, Nathaniel. I'm the only one who cares for you. The only one who can protect you, everyone else has left but I'm here, I'll always be there for you.” Had Nathaniel been listening properly, he would have noticed who threatening that sounded, but his head wasn't focusing on anything but Riko. Riko’s soft hands as the cloth cleaned his chest, Riko’s eyes on Nathaniel's own. Just Riko. He found himself believing Riko’s words. Riko was the only one who hadn't left him. He's the only one that can protect him.

“Who do you belong to? Who loves you more than anything or anyone?”

Nathaniel said without a second thought, “You, Riko, I belong to you and no one else.”

“Good boy,” he said, finishing cleaning up his chest, “Sleep, as your training will start tomorrow, you're in no condition to get out of bed.” 

Before Nathaniel could protest, Riko leaned down and kissed the 3 on his cheek. “Goodbye,” and then Riko walked out the room, leaving Nathaniel to sleep.

When Nathaniel woke up his immediate thought was what the time was. There were no clocks in the Nest, due to the misconception of time here. Some had adapted watches though, Jean had one. Nathaniel got up, the pain had dulled to a slight throb. He left his new room and made his way to the kitchen.

Jean was there, with two other ravens, Johnson and Rachael. That were to engrossed in their own conversation to notice him. He didn't pay attention to the other two but fixed his gaze on Jean, who looked at him nervously. “Nathaniel, how are you?” the other two turned their attention towards him, realising that he wasn't just another raven passing through to eat, they now looked at him with mildly worried but immensely curious faces. 

“I'm fine,” he walked over to the table, grabbing a piece of fruit from the bowl that decorated it. “What's the time? Have I missed morning practice?”

Jean paled, “This is the hour break for evening practice. We're about,” he paused looking at his raven altered watch, “15 minutes in.” The hour break was for food and studying, which was when Nathaniel done his online high school work.

“The master's going to kill me, and Riko…” Nathaniel faltered slightly. What would Riko do? He had let him sleep after all. “I'll start warm ups now,” he walked to the door. “Wait!” Jean called, “Riko’s still practicing, you might not want to disturb him.”

“Yeah,” Johnson agreed, speaking for the first time. “He was in a right bitchy mood today.” Rachael smacked him over the head lightly, “Shut up! The walls have ears.” She looked around fearfully, as if Riko was about to spring out on them at any moment. “Nathaniel should go,” she said, surprising them all, “he's the only one who can calm Riko down when he gets like this.”

Nathaniel resented that statement, but it was true nonetheless, Riko had a soft spot for Nathaniel. “See you at practice,” he said closing the door behind him and making his way to the lockers. He had mastered the art of changing quickly with or without injuries, and as he couldn't really feel the cuts, he got changed with haste. He went out into the court to see Riko with the newly signed goalkeeper, who looked close to tears as Riko relentlessly slammed balls into the goal, while she could only watch and attempt to feebly protect her goal.

“Pathetic, why did we sign you?” he paused, noticing Nathaniel, and the goalie fell to the ground in exhaustion. “Nathaniel! You're up! I thought you died you were out that long, but I do know how deep a sleeper you are.” He laughed then turned to the goalie, “get out. Get some rest and when you come back for the rest of practice, give it your all.” 

She gratefully left the court, running as fast as her exhausted legs could carry her. “So, I take it you want to catch up on your missed practice?” Riko said with a smirk. “You're love for exy amuses me so.” Nathaniel nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor where they belonged. “Now, now,” Riko said, gripping Nathaniel’s chin and tilting his head to face him. “Why do you look down in fear of me? You don't need to be afraid of me” he kissed Nathaniel’s forehead. “I've got some work with the new recruits to do, but I'll be watching you from the stands. Do basic drills and start with suicide runs.”

He walked off the court, and Nathaniel went to the outer court and started running, he felt Riko’s eyes fixed on him, but he didn't dare look to see where he was sitting. The feeling of being watched by Riko sent a wave of emotion pulsing through his body. He just didn't know whether that emotion was hatred or love.


	3. The regret echoed off the Plexiglas walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember, I don't tend to remember to edit stuff, so if you see any mistakes just ignore them or like tell me and I'll try to remember to edit them (I'll probably forget though). Also, even though I have read the series at least 3 times, I still only have a rough idea of how exy and their competitions work, so I might miss something or bring in a competition or something too early but just go with it.

After 30 minutes of drills the rest of the ravens filed into the court, Nathaniel’s nerves we're on fire and he was more than ready for the scrimmages they would do for the next 3 hours.

Riko and coach Tetsuji were the last to enter the court, Tetsuji looked at him but didn't say anything about his absence from the morning and half of the evening practices, Riko must have said something to him. Nathaniel exhaled a sigh of relief, he had expected his absence to be met with the master’s signature weapon; his cane.

“Let's start,divide into teams. The semester starts in two days, so if I seen any of you falling behind our standards I will punish you all accordingly.” The Ravens collectively swallowed a shudder at the threat as Tetsuji walked out into the outer court and watched them silently as they split into two teams. Nathaniel was on a team with Jean against Riko like usual, Riko could only go against the best, that is, if they were only second best compared to him. Try hard but not your best, Nathaniel gave himself the same inner pep talk that he gave himself anytime he faced Riko in a match. Riko gets very threatened when other people beat him in matches, just look at Kevin.

But Nathaniel couldn't look at Kevin, and he didn't know when or if he would ever look at Kevin again. That made Nathaniel’s chest hurt in an unknown new feeling so he decided to focus on something else instead, like Riko’s eyes. Half-hidden by the exy gear, Nathaniel could only just make out the fierce competitive gleam in Riko’s eyes that only appeared when they we're on the court. Riko didn't just love exy, he was exy. Born and raised by it, just like Kevin and Nathaniel. The starting bell sounded and they were off, Riko’s team had first serve and the dealer hit it towards the goalie who sent it flying down the court, strikers racing after it, Riko’s eyes burned in l. Nathaniel tightened his grip on his racquet and grinned with no joy, time to play.

 

By the time the scrimmage was over, everyone was exhausted. Nathaniel was running on energy he didn't have but he didn't really care. He saw the smile Riko gave him; a real, heartwarming smile. There was pride in that smile, and Nathaniel felt warm and fuzzy at the thought of Riko being proud of him. No, wait, Nathaniel thought, you can't think of him like that.  
Like usual, as they left the court Tetsuji was nowhere to be found. Riko was the true unofficial coach. Tetsuji just there to assess the players improvements and critique when necessary. Exy for the Moriyama’s was a simple way to increase their bank accounts, and use the home games as an excuse to gather safely to talk about business under the pretense of a supportive family, coming to watch Riko and his team.

Once they were all showered and changed, Riko told them all to gather in the main room. That consisted of multiple couches, a coffee table and a shitload of TV's in Nathaniel’s opinion. But this is what he was used to, this is the only home he had. He could only faintly remember his Father’s house, could only faintly remember his Mother as the kind gentle tone and soft hands that calmed him down on so many restless nights. The only things he can clearly remember of his life in the real world, up there, were the scars given to him by his Father, every detail, the pain of the iron, the handiwork of his father’s favorite weapons, his Father’s people beating him for the sheer hell of it. Yes, he remembers all of the pain.

He also remembers the night before he came here, to the nest. He had been ten years old and was trialing for the Raven’s over the course of two days, had he been deemed unfit for the team, he would have been killed. After the first day, his Mother decided she wouldn't wait around for the result. She took him, quickly packed a bag, and tried to flee. Nathaniel and his mother got as far as down the street before his Father's men got to them.

He remembers his Mother’s piercing screams as his Father took her apart, limb by limb. He remembers his Father’s maniacal laugh when his Mother used her last breath to look at him and whisper, “Abram,”

 

Nathaniel shakes the thought from his head, which get him a sympathetic look from Jean who was sitting next to the new goalie, his new partner, his replacement. Nathaniel felt cold as he looked away from Jean. once all the Raven’s were seated and hesitantly looking and whispering at each other, Riko walked in.

“So, as everyone knows, the semester starts the day after tomorrow, that does not give any of you an excuse to slack off. We will practice at six till eight in the morning, then five till eleven in the evening, with an hour break for meals. You do not miss practice without informing me beforehand for ANY reason. Also, we're transferring to the southeastern district.”

The statement was said with such nonchalance, that it made Nathaniel think he had heard Riko wrong, “Wait-what?” he spluttered.

Riko sent him a sharp look for speaking out of turn, but answered him nonetheless, “I said, we're transferring to the southeastern district, just as a little surprise for Kevin and his unruly team of foxes.” he smirked. 

“Oh and also,” Riko added in, “Everyone is getting a day off tomorrow.”

Now that really surprised the Ravens, as one half-choked on air and another slid off her seat in shock, Nathaniel could do nothing but stare at Riko with bright blue eyes. 

“Don't look so surprised.” Riko snapped, “Enjoy your day off, as it will be the only one you're getting. Nathaniel come with me, meeting dismissed.”

Riko went out the room without a glance back to see if Nathaniel was following, he knew Nathaniel always followed. He entered their bedroom and jumped onto the bed, kicking off his trainers, Nathaniel suppressed a laugh. It was so unlike Riko to do that. Riko looked up and grinned, all teeth and unexpected happiness showing, “This season is going to be great.”

Nathaniel sat down on the spinning chair at his desk and quirked an eyebrow, “Has changing districts got anything to do with that?”

“Yep, and there's also the fact that it's the first season with you on the court alongside me.”

That small fact made his head spin, eight years spent on exy and he finally got the chance to play, he registered at Edgar Allan’s as soon as he had graduated from his online high school. He was going to play...For the Ravens!

“You should have been number two,” Riko murmured unexpectedly. Nathaniel flinched so violently he almost fell off his chair “Two?” he asked, feigning ignorance when Nathaniel knew what Riko’s words meant. But Riko left Nathaniel’s question unanswered, instead sitting up and saying, “Let's celebrate tonight.”

Nathaniel, despite his head spinning with questions, took the change of subject without question. Nobody pushed Riko into saying or doing something he didn't want to do. “What are we celebrating?” Nathaniel asked, smiling softly.

“You, of course,” Riko said as if Nathaniel should have already known, “It's your first season at the raven’s, it's your first semester at Edgar Allan’s and…” he paused, nose scrunched up in thought. Nathaniel tried not to notice how cute Riko looked like that. “When did you first arrive here?” Riko’s question interrupted Nathaniel’s train of thought, “Uh-when I was 10.”

“Oh yeah, so tonight will be the first time you go outside in eight years.” Nathaniel’s heart stopped at the thought, he hadn't literally not been outside, as he usually went on a run of the perimeter of the stadium every other morning,with a half asleep Jean who sat on the steps waiting for him and telling him when the practice was going to start; but that was at five in the morning, and Nathaniel was never allowed to leave the gates separating the stadium from the real world. But, in two days, all that will change, he’ll go to class, go to games, he’ll be out in the real world. The thought both excited and terrified him.  
“So since I gave everyone a day off, you can come with me! I was thinking tonight we could go get dinner and maybe go bowling?”

Nathaniel had only been bowling once, when he went to his friend from little league’s birthday, he could only vaguely remember it though. Nathaniel had only went out for dinner if his father was meeting someone, and neither him or his Mother was allowed to speak. Maybe this night will be different from previous experiences, “I haven't really gone bowling before but sure.” 

“No problem! I'll teach you, and then tomorrow we've got to get you some new clothes and textbooks.”

Nathaniel hadn't even thought of that. He walked towards the door as Riko pulled on his shoes and reached into his closet for a hoodie and pulled out his favorite black one, Riko then turned round to look at Nathaniel, “Don't you have anything warmer? It will probably be a bit chilly.”

Nathaniel just shrugged, the Nest was always one set temperature, so he didn't have anything warmer than a long sleeved t-shirt that was probably too small for him now. Riko just laughed and tossed him his hoodie, pulling on a bomber jacket instead. Nathaniel put it on and inhaled the scent of lavender and books. A weird scent, maybe, but it belonged to Riko

They left the room together and Riko put an arm around Nathaniel’s shoulder, Nathaniel leaned into without question, he wondered what Kevin was doing and if he ever thought about Nathaniel or any of the Raven’s.

 

……………………….

Kevin relentlessly slammed balls into the net, not even pausing to breathe. Andrew and Wymack watch silently. “He does this every night?” Wymack asks. Andrew gave him an uninterested nod and went to sit on the bench.

The onslaught continued until Kevin had went through the whole box of exy balls that they had; all two hundred and fifty of them. When he reached to get the last one and saw that they were all gone, he fell down to his knees and pulled off his helmet along with his gloves. He raised his uninjured hand up to the two on his cheek and dug his nails into it until they drew blood. Wymack realized he wasn't going to stop and ran into the court.

“Day! Don't drag your drama onto my court, get your hand off your face!” Kevin looked up at him and slowly lowered his hand.

“I can never leave them, I'll always be a Raven.” Wymack didn't know who Kevin was talking to, him or himself.

“Listen to me right now, you're here. You're with us, you're a Fox. You'll be a Fox for as long as you want to be, or until you make court. You're not a raven, not here, not now. The number on your cheek won't change that.” Seeing Kevin look up at Wymack with watery eyes, made Wymack know just how important his words meant. 

But then Kevin’s face crumpled, “I couldn't save him.” he muttered, and Wymack strained to hear him. 

“Kevin? I think it's time for you to go back to the dorms.” Wymack looked for Andrew and saw him on the outer court, watching them with a forced cheery expression, appearing because of the medicine he was forced to take. Obviously drugged-up Andrew wouldn't help Wymack right now. 

“Day, I swear, get off my court right now or I'll sign you up for the next marathon.”

But Kevin’s ability to hear was overridden with the thoughts overtaking his mind. “I left him, I left him there.” His voice was considerably louder, he stood up suddenly, causing Wymack to swear and take a step back to avoid colliding with Kevin. The look in his eyes caused further alarm to the coach, who then stormed off and went to where Andrew stood, silent and unsympathetic, as his friend deteriorated in front of him, the only emotion being shown was the forced happiness, “He looks sad,” Andrew started before Wymack could say anything, “If only there was something we could do.”

Before Wymack could start arguing about how Andrew could do something, he was interrupted with a large thump coming from inside the court, Kevin had picked up his racquet and lifted it over his head.

“I left him!” his voice broke as he shouted and threw the racquet hard, where it then proceeded to hit against the Plexiglas walls. Even the walls, built to withstand hard exy balls and occasionally exy players, shook with the amount of strength pushed into that throw.

Kevin dropped to his knees once again, whispering as he cradled his head in his hands,

“What have I done?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I've just made this story a whole lot darker. Oh well. Do you guys have any songs that you think of when reading this? I like to write while listening to music as it helps me think. I would get a chapter done a lot faster with the right music (Hint, hint) Thanks for reading and I hope to have the next chapter posted soon!


	4. It takes two to murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't edited hope there's no mistakes but if there is...eh.

“You seriously need to keep your knife kink in check, babe.” Nathaniel said with a laugh as Riko twirled his pizza knife aimlessly against the table. He knew he should have gotten at least three broken fingers for that, but instead Riko just gazed at him and laughed. There was something different about Riko, Kevin’s departure had left a vast empty gap inside of him, and light seemed to be filling it up.

“You know all about that, now don't you,” Riko gave Nathaniel a lazy smirk that made him look 100 times more sexy; Nathaniel felt his heart explode.

They had been sitting across from each other, in a dimly but romantically lit Italian restaurant, wedged in the corner to avoid attention. “Couldn’t risk getting noticed” Riko had said. On the walk down to the restaurant, they had been stopped by one of Riko’s classmate, who certainly noticed the bandage that covered Nathaniel’s cheek. She had sworn to not tell a soul as Riko promised to break her neck if she didn’t . She had laughed; Nathaniel had learned never to laugh at a threat from Riko.

“How are you enjoying your first night out?”

“Outside or out with you?”

“Both.”

“Eh, it's alright.” Riko laughed but his grip on Nathaniel’s thigh under the table tightened, “Don't get so cocky.”

“And here I am thinking you were into cock.” he stared at Riko, refusing to back down, toeing the line he was getting dangerously too close to.

Riko’s eyes darkened. Nathaniel had crossed the line,shit. Shit. 

“We're leaving,” he said, standing up suddenly, when Nathaniel didn't respond he snapped. “Now Nathan.”

He couldn't help but flinch at the sound of his Father’s name, his years of torture had built the nervous twitch into his head, his index finger had still never stopped twitching; his father had damaged a nerve when he broke all the fingers on his non-dominant hand. Slowly, and with excruciating pain being involved, yet Nathaniel was not allowed to make a sound, noise made the pain worse. His Father; they say the Father’s sins affect his son’s, that must be why Nathaniel’s luck in life was so shit. Him and Riko should be alike; living in the legacy of their Father’s yet not being good enough. Somehow, this fact had drove them apart at the beginning. Nathaniel had reminded Riko of himself, the cast-off, and so Nathaniel knew that when Riko’s eyes looked like that and called him by the name of his nightmares meant Riko was reverting back to the time where he couldn't stand the sight of Nathaniel.

Nathaniel stood up and Riko walked to the door, not looking back to see if Nathaniel was behind him. 

Outside, he stopped, and Nathaniel stopped just two steps behind him, “Nathaniel,” he spoke, lifting his hand and beckoning him forward, “Yes?”  
“Yes what?”

Nathaniel swallowed, “Yes, master?”

“I'm going to assume that the air is getting to your head and has left it a tad bit too light than usual. Because obviously My Nathaniel wouldn't dare speak out of turn.”

“Yes, I'm sorry Master,” 

“Good because my Nathaniel gets gifts when he is good,” he pulled out a phone. Nathaniel’s eyes widened. “You didn't,” he said, raising a hand to his mouth. Riko’s eyes softened at the look on Nathaniel’s face.

“I have to keep an eye on you, don't I? The world just got a whole lot bigger. I'm the only one who will look after you.”

Nathaniel should have found the statement creepy, any normal person would, but Nathaniel grew up with the Ravens and Riko, he grew up never knowing what a normal person was. So I'm some sick twisted way, he found the statement comforting.

“Let's go,” he said, taking Nathaniel’s hand in a strong grip that would have been painful had Nathaniel not already been used to it.

The walk back was silent and cold, the only comfort was Riko’s hoodie, that hung off his too skinny frame.

When they reached the stadium and went down the steps to the Nest, Nathaniel tripped and fell on the last one when Riko yanked his hand fast and hard. He stood up and straightened himself and was sharply hit on the head by Riko,

“You always were a clumsy one,” there was no humour in his tone. 

They made their way to the room in silence and when Nathaniel turned to close the door he found himself pushed up against the wall. Nathaniel let out a small gasp that was quickly silenced by Riko’s mouth on his. He let out a moan when Riko lowered his lips to gently bite at Nathaniel’s neck. Nathaniel couldn't stop the moan that escaped his mouth.

“You want more?” Riko said against his neck and Nathaniel could only whine and nod, words failing him.

“Tough.” Nathaniel was shocked as Riko pulled away and pushed Nathaniel to the side so he can open the door, as he was walking out Nathaniel put a hand on his shoulder, “Riko-wait…”

Riko shrugged him off and turned around to slap him, “bad boys don't get treats. Talk to me when you can behave.”

It was a cruel form of torture, Riko knew, as he walked away from the room towards the lounge. Riko choose a psychology major for this specific reason. He knew how to break people, and adjust them to his needs. Soon Nathaniel will be so deep he won't leave Riko’s. Riko smirked to himself as he walked down the black corridor.

Nathaniel flopped onto the bed, digging heavily. How had he let himself react like that? To Riko? He started breathing deeply. In.Out.In.Out. The bulge in his pants however was not as easily calmed as his heartbeat. He recited his list. He started to do it the first time he noticed Riko looking at him in a way that didn't contain hatred. When his eyes contained lust instead of malice.

I hate Riko: He isn't capable of feeling, don't believe him. He's a pathological liar. He hurts you. He hurts everyone. He's a killer. He's his father's son.

That stopped Nathaniel. Riko's a killer, he's his father's son. But so was Nathaniel. He and Riko had killed, the same day Nathaniel had got his tattoo.

 

…..............(FLASH BACK) *I'm bad at writing these tense wise*

 

He remembered it as clear as day. Or night, he was more adjusted to the dark. They were training the new sun striker. Kevin was away (at the time Nathaniel hadn't known Kevin wasn't coming back) due to Kevin's absence Nathaniel was training with Riko and the new sub. The sub, Robert, or something, came in arrogantly swaggering about. With a confidence that Riko always enjoyed shattering. Within an hour of his “special” training as Riko had called it, Robert was still swaggering about, only this time it was with fatigue. Riko had called him every name under the sun, whilst Nathaniel had shot down every attempt he shot at the goal. It was 3 in the morning when Riko finally snapped, and he snarled to Nathaniel in Japanese, “Get me the knife,”

Nathaniel, who didn't even feel tired, already used to the endless late night practices, almost dropped his racquet in shock at Riko’s command. Yet like always, he obeyed.

When Nathaniel went back onto the court he saw Robert on the ground, his helmet and gloves discarded, and harsh bruises already forming on his face. Riko loomed over him, silent and furious. Robert didn't look defeated,though, and instead was babbling threats that he was naive enough to think that Riko would listen to,

“You can't kick me off the team. You NEED me, I'm a great striker! And if you kick me off, I'll tell everyone about your “methods.” Have you met my father? He could ruin you. I could ruin you.” The smug smile on his face was wiped when Riko burst out laughing.

“Your Father?” he said, wiping fake tears from his face, “Your Father sold you as a business transaction.”

Nathaniel flinched at the look of betrayal on Robert’s face, his father had done the same thing. But Nathaniel had already trained himself to keep his emotions on the inside, to permanently hold a blank mask on his face. Robert, however, was a smug rich kid who has just discovered the real world. His tears infuriated Nathaniel, because Nathaniel had never been allowed to shed them himself.

Nathaniel walked over to Riko, and handed him his knife. Most of the men in Nathaniel’s life favoured knives, but Nathaniel’s chest still tightened every time he saw one; Nathaniel’s chest tightened a lot.

Riko took the knife and kissed Nathaniel on his bare, as yet untattooed cheek. 

“Now, what can I do with you? The answer: Anything. I can do anything, and no one is going to care, no is going to do anything. So, what will I do?” he paused, laying the knife on Robert’s cheek, hard enough to draw blood but not enough for real damage.

“I don't really need a spoilt striker, in fact, I don't need a striker at all.”

He drove the knife down hard across Robert's cheekbone, making him cry out.

Nathaniel refused to turn away yet didn't want to look. His mind was filled with images, him being where Robert was, yet refusing to make a sound. Then the more terrifying images started to form in his mind; the ones where he was standing in Riko’s place, driving the knife through Robert's cheek. The worse part was, he enjoyed it. He enjoyed hurting him, enjoyed making another person cry out. 

“Nathaniel,” Riko’s voice pierced through his mind, “Come here.”

Nathaniel came over to where Riko was standing, “Put your hand on the knife handle, over mine.”

Nathaniel stared at him, not quite understanding, Riko moved his hand and sliced the knife on Nathaniel’s left hand, making blood run down his twitching index finger, Nathaniel didn't even move, “Did I fucking stutter? Put your hand on the knife.” 

He moved the knife back down to Robert, but went lower than his cheek and stopped at his throat, he heard Robert inhale sharply in fear. Nathaniel loved the sound of it.

He placed a shaking hand on the knife handle, his hand skimming Riko’s, “Now baby,” Riko’s words were hot against his ear, “We're just gonna make one deep line along his throat, okay baby? You can do that.” His words were warm and encouraging, his voice was anything but.

Robert sobbed and pleaded to Nathaniel, “Please, please, help me, please.”

He continued to sob and plead, as Riko started to count, “We'll do it on three,baby, you and me, one…” Robert's pleads were desperate now, and yet deaf to Nathaniel’s ears “two” his words were inaudible except for two of them, the words “have mercy” left Robert's lips as Nathaniel sliced the knife across, not letting Riko finish counting.

Roberts eyes glazed over and he fell to the court floor, blood spilling over the floor, Riko looked at Nathaniel, his eyes alight with surprise and amusement.

His words stabbed Nathaniel’s heart, “You enjoyed that much more than I thought you would.”

And they walked away, hand in hand, and with a corpse just inches away from them, they kissed on the lips for the first time.

Nathaniel went and got a tattoo as soon as Riko asked him, once they broke the kiss.

 

………….. (PRESENT TIME)

 

So Nathaniel hated Riko, he made himself hate Riko. Because Riko had made him a killer.

Because it was easy for him to fake it. It was easy for him to be a victim. It was easy to be a killer if he had someone to blame for it.

It was harder if the only person to blame was himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I've been busy with like Christmas and stuff. Happy holidays! For all the people who had Christmas yesterday like me and my fellow Britains, and if you live somewhere else, tell me where your Christmas was if it's been yet.


	5. Forgetting is cruel as to realize it, you have to remember

When the semester started, Nathaniel found himself settling into a rushed but happy routine. He was outside almost everyday now, meeting more people than he ever dreamed of knowing. His classes fascinate him, and he's been putting all he has into training, eager for the first game that is fast approaching. He was never truly alone from the Ravens, as Riko made sure he was walked to and from classes, but Nathaniel didn't mind as it showed how much Riko cared for him. Riko had been happier these last few days, as had the team. Nathaniel found himself smiling a genuine smile whenever Riko was around, no longer needing the forced facade as he usually did when around him. Riko’s happiness was probably caused by the improvement of the team, as well as the chance to prove it to others on the court at the first game.

His first real exy game, his debut as number 3. The number on his cheek has been kept hidden, the bandage now like a second skin to him. Some of his classmates, especially exy fans, would probably put two and two together, but on Friday, he won't have to cover it anymore. On Thursday, the night of his first match, everyone will know of Nathaniel.

“Stop thinking, it's so loud.” Nathaniel grinned and looked up into Riko’s eyes, they were standing in the kitchen, if you could call it that. It consisted of two massive fridges, a microwave, an oven, drawers and a large breakfast bar. Nathaniel had been pushed against said bar, pinned in by Riko’s strong arms.

“What are you thinking of? The fact that your first game is tomorrow?” Riko murmured into his ear. Nathaniel hated the fact he had to remind himself to not think of this as pleasant.  
“Yeah, something like that,” Riko’s eyes we're relentless, staring through Nathaniel. They looked gorgeous. No, Nathaniel reminded himself, you hate him, you hate him you hate hi-

All thoughts slipped Nathaniel’s mind when Riko’s tongue danced across his neck, and Nathaniel didn't even suppress his moan when Riko bit down on a soft spot. “Wait,” Nathaniel said, breathless, “It's too public.”

Riko removed his mouth and Nathaniel reddened at the whine he made at the sudden lack of contact, when had he become so dependent on Riko? The thought would have sickened him, had it not been for the foggy haze that had clouded his mind, leaving Riko as the soul viewpoint through the mist. “You're right, come on.”

Riko took Nathaniel’s hand and led him out of the kitchen and into the corridor, towards the bedroom. Before they could reach it, they bumped into two other Ravens, with a start, Nathaniel realized it was Jean and the new goalie, his new partner. Jean looked at him without really seeing him, not in the way he used to. The new look Jean threw at him was full of pity and regret. It didn't look like his Jean. The one that had stuck by his side, held his hand in the dark as Nathaniel sobbed into his shoulder, thinking of the outside world he had forgotten. In a sea of black, black souls, black walls, black birds, Jean had been his light.

That light flickered faintly, weak from disuse.

Riko pulled Nathaniel away from Jean and the goalie, the girl he'd never bothered to learn the name of, when they reached their door Nathaniel dared a glance back. He saw them walking away, whispering to each other. His hand joined with hers.

Nathaniel went into the bedroom, eager to let Riko kiss his problems to oblivion. Riko pushed him onto the bed, more than willing to oblige. Nathaniel had always liked it that way, a distraction. Riko needed him and Nathaniel needed something to forget himself. It worked out well for both of them.

 

In the morning Nathaniel woke up first, naked, with Riko’s arm casually slung over him. He didn't cower away from it now, instead he snuggled closer, with Riko mumbling sleepily beside him. His hair was dark and messy, and perfect in Nathaniel’s opinion. Today was the day they we're going to make history; together. Today was his first game as a raven, and he was going to be on the court with Riko and his team. There was one vital character missing but Nathaniel didn't let himself dwell on the missing  
traitorous Fox for too long, Kevin had made his choice, and so had Nathaniel. He hoped he would never see Kevin again until he faced him on the court.

Of course, Riko being Riko, had other ideas as he said to him still half asleep, “I forgot to tell you yesterday but tomorrow we're going to go on a talk show hosted by this girl named Kathy, you won't know her.” Nathaniel saw this news as unsurprising, as soon everyone will be eager to talk about the new addition to the perfect court. He snuggled back into Riko with a soft “okay,” and closed his eyes.

“Kevin will also be there.” 

His blood ran cold.

……………………….

Kevin would have pushed himself to the limit if only he had one. He roared in practice trying to get everyone ready, trying to get himself ready for returning to the court. They weren't expected to win, with Breckenridge being a strong and large team, but this was his comeback. Or his debut, as himself, free to do whatever he wants, play however he wants.

He hadn't realized his injured hand had started shaking, as it usually did when he got too worked up about stuff. 

He watched his team practice, his team. The Foxes. The concept still seemed foreign to him, yet here he was. He had a striker who hated him, a crazed goalie who may or may not try at all, his surly twin and a staggering amount of baggage that followed the whole team. But they we're a team, and they would hold that baggage together.

“We're ready for this season,” Kevin says to know one in particular, yet almost shocks everyone at his encouraging tone.

Although he hasn't realized it, he was slowly healing, leaving behind his past self.

Nathaniel didn't cross his mind once that day.

……………………..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its short!!! I've been on holiday, and I decided that I would try to make it a bit more light hearted and... Well, it's a start.


	6. Pain is in your head, and on the edge of a blade

As usual Riko offered no explanation when Nathaniel questioned him about the talk show, just gave him that signature smirk and said, “Don't you have better things to worry about? You're first game is today after all.” then he went and got changed, as did Nathaniel.

Nathaniel’s mind couldn't function properly, he couldn't focus on his classes and his note taking had ceased completely. He didn't find his classes boring, it was just that his mind was racing and his heart pounding in anticipation of the game. They were bound to win, of course, they could win any game easily last year and this year they had got infinitely better. Plus Nathaniel was on the team. Without a hint of arrogance, Nathaniel knew he belonged on that team. He was one of the best, and he deserved to be. He had trained for years, not ever knowing a normal life. His normal life was exy. You didn't get on The Perfect Court without giving up your normality, Nathaniel had hardly had any to begin with, so parting with his small shred of whatever normalcy he had left was surprisingly easy.

The court was vicious, for everyone that stood in the Raven's path. Nathaniel was lucky he was on the right side, no wait, not the right side, the winning side. 

Soon enough Nathaniel's morning classes were over, and his evening class and training had been cancelled for the game. Their game was on the same night as the Foxes; win or lose, Riko won't let his team leave without watching their game. He can never truly get over his obsession of Kevin, despite Nathaniel’s many, many, attempts to distract him.

He walked to the nest with Johnson, one of the backliners, Nathaniel wasn't bothering with idle small talk. They were both anxiously waiting for the game, yet showing it in different ways. Johnson, showed it in his incessant babbling, his topics ranging from socks to presidents. Nathaniel didn't let his nerves show in such an obvious manner, confining his feelings to the broken nerve in his finger, the twitch picking up pace in relation to his mood. He tended not to let his hand show often.

“So dude, you're going on that talk show right?”  
that sparked Nathaniel's attention, causing him to utter his first words, “Yeah, why?”

“Well,” the backliner started, suddenly seeming uncomfortable, “Kevin’s gonna be there, and you three were always close and I know when he left it ended badly but…” he paused, trying to word his thoughts, “Don't blame him for what he done, don't go on there thinking he's a traitor.”

Nathaniel stood, not quite believing his ears, “ What are you saying?”

The temper in Nathaniel’s voice made Johnson lose confidence, “I-I just mean, that, like, some people aren't cut out for this sort of life, you know? It can be brutal and some people can't take that. Kevin’s a good guy. He doesn't deserve this sort of life.”

Nathaniel stayed quiet for the rest of their short walk, once they reached the nest he muttered a quick goodbye to Johnson and walked to his room.

Kevin, a good guy? Once, Nathaniel would have believed the foul words that left Johnson’s mouth, sure, Kevin could convince anyone with his cunning deceptions. Didn't deserve this life? Where had he heard those lies before?

And then he remembered.

…………………….. (Some time ago when Kevin was still a Raven, Nathaniel’s around 16 or 17)

 

Nathaniel sat in the wings of the stadium, hidden from sight by the private blocks of seats that are reserved for Riko’s family. It was the only place where he could be alone, even away from Jean, he welcomed the silence it brought, being alone, even if he had to deal with the consequences afterwards. People scared him, not that he would ever tell anyone, they were all so loud. He used to be made to come along to the games, sit at the back and cheer as if he were just a fan. He would have enjoyed it, knowing that someday he would be where they were, with thousands cheering, had it not been for the noise. The Ravens were not silent and gloomy all the time, but comparing a relatively quiet team with a crowd of roaring fans would be like comparing a kitten to a lion. And it terrified Nathaniel. Now he doesn't need to go to the games, but the stadium never quite felt the same and it also left Nathaniel with the fear that when he is the one on the court, he’ll freeze up at the sound. But, as he still had a year or so till that happened, so he tended to not think about that much.

It was hard to focus on anything but exy and pain, both were always present, Riko made sure that Nathaniel never stopped feeling some degree of pain. The worst of it though was when Riko made him hurt others. That happened often, one of Riko’s sick little games, he remembers every scream, every plead, every hope of mercy that he shredded with Riko’s knife. Knives were Riko’s favorite, and Nathaniel had the scars to prove it. Nathaniel didn't like knives.

He stretched his legs out from their curled position against his chest, his limbs still aching from the evening practice. In doing that, he split one of the shaky rushed stitches that Jean had done quickly between practices, as Nathaniel had been with Riko almost the whole day, and whatever happened, Riko was not happy. Nathaniel had broke his voice from the screams that had unwillingly left his mouth. Kevin, Riko’s shadow, had lasted all of five minutes of watching Nathaniel’s hours of torture. Kevin got up, said, “I can't,” and left just as quick. 

It had made Riko even angrier.

Now, Nathaniel still shivered at the memory of Riko’s anger and his own pain. Kevin couldn't even watch; Nathaniel looked up to Kevin, as he was one of the only people here who showed Nathaniel any kindness, and that's hard to come across in the Raven’s nest.

Nathaniel was not one that could be sneaked up on, so when he first heard footsteps move closer to him he drew his legs up to his chest and sat as far from sight as possible against the wall and between the rows of seats. He couldn't see much in this position, but it also meant that he was almost invisible to anyone passing by, though hardly anyone just passed by the seating area, as it lead to nowhere but more seats. If anyone was here, it's because they know. How could they know? Nathaniel hadn't told anyone about this spot, not even Jean.

Don't be Riko, don't be Riko, Don't be Riko. The footsteps drew closer and closer. Nathaniel saw a flash of dark hair when suddenly the footsteps halted. It had to be Riko. He had found the one place Nathaniel felt safe. He braced himself for whatever punishment Riko thought fit to bestow upon him.

It didn't come. Instead Nathaniel heard someone sit down in the row of seats in front of him, look over his shoulders, and say, “Come out, I won't bite.” Nathaniel couldn't see him, but he knew Kevin had on that casual smirk that made Nathaniel's stomach flutter in a weird, unexpected way, like sick but a good sick.

Nathaniel stood up, keeping his head down, not daring to meet those brilliantly green eyes that we're undoubtedly looking at him. The nerves had still not faded, as Nathaniel knew that whenever Kevin was around, Riko was always close by.

“Relax, Nathaniel,” the way Kevin said his name made that good sick feeling happen again, Nathaniel didn't know how he would describe it. “Riko’s away.” The tension in Nathaniel’s shoulders released, and he relaxed slightly. Slightly. Nathaniel had learned the hard way to never let your guard down. Anyone can lie.

“Wow, you sure talk a lot, don't you?” Kevin said with a small breathy laugh, “Come, sit.” he patted the seat next to him. Nathaniel sat two seats away from it. 

“Alright,” Kevin said with another laugh, “If you're not gonna sit next to me, will you at least look at me?”

“I don't want another broken finger,” Nathaniel said in an oddly confident voice. “Are you another of Riko’s games? You know how he just loves to play. My favourite is the one with the knives. He played that with me earlier, you were there weren’t you? Oh wait, you left after five minutes, that made him angry, you know. Very angry” Nathaniel let out a laugh, sounding twisted and psychotic. He looked up to find Kevin, staring at him wide eyed. “I would have left, too, if there had been a choice for me, instead I had to endure it for hours. Aren't you proud? The amount of stamina I had, I didn't even pass out, even as the blood spilled on the sheets I have to wash. But you couldn't take five minutes of simply watching me. You're not made to do anything; I'm made to watch too, to be hurt, to hurt others. I can't walk out. I can't leave when I can't take it anymore.”

He was ranting now, saying more than he ever had before, and Kevin didn't even dare to interrupt him. 

“Then, when it's all over, and I have time to do whatever, I come here. I leave the pain behind, and I'm silent. I don't bother anyone, and no one bothers me. It's the only thing that keeps me sane!” he said ironically, knowing just how maniacal he sounded right now. “Then you waltz in, with that confident smirk, because you know that no one could wipe that off of your face, no one would dare. Because you're special. Because you're Kevin fucking Day. Nothing could touch you. Why would Kevin Day bother to watch me being sliced open? After all, as long as I'm still back on the court for practice, it means that I'm all fine and well. Well let me tell you something, Kevin. ” He paused to take in Kevin’s face, awash with emotions, fear being the main one.

“Blood doesn't show on black material. Scars don't show under clothes. Torture doesn't leave Riko’s bedroom. Pain is in your head, and on the edge of a blade.”

“Nathaniel.” Kevin said, his voice shaking with disbelief. Nathaniel suddenly realized what he'd done and looked at Kevin, horrified.

“I'm so sorry,” Nathaniel started, dropping to his knees in front of Kevin, “I don't know what that was. I'm sorry- I'm so sorry. Punish me however you will, just don't, don't tell him.” He knew pleading was useless, yet he still didn't say please. That was one of the worst words, it hadn't left his lips since he pleaded to his Father to end his Mother’s suffering. Not to save her, he knew that was unrealistic, but to end her suffering. When it hadn't worked he realized please was a wasted plea.

“Nathaniel sit back down, I'm not going to hurt you.”

Nathaniel made his trembling knees push himself up, and returned to his seat, “I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to apologize.”

“No, I do. You're one of the few people here who isn't cruel to me, and I decided to repay you by going insane.”

“You don't need to show me any gratitude, you're right. I walk away from things like that because I can. But don't think that I don't care about you, because I do. You're such an amazing player, you're going to make court one day.” Nathaniel stared up at him, “Really, you think so?”

“Definitely, you'll be part of the perfect court as well.”

“And when I start Edgar Allen's, when I'm a raven, we’ll all play together right?” there was childish glee in Nathaniel’s tone but he couldn't help himself. Kevin just smiled.

“Yep, the three of us.”

“We’ll be unstoppable.”  
Nathaniel didn’t realize that Kevin had been shifting closer to him till they were almost touching, he had been too caught up on the thought of them playing together. 

“Riko is cruel.” That interrupted Nathaniel’s pleasant thoughts of the future.

“Oh really? Hadn't noticed,” he used sarcasm to disguise the fear that rose up whenever he heard that name.

“I'm serious, he manipulative, and” he paused, his words uneasy. “He's interested in you. He won't give me details but there's something that… fascinates him in you. I don't want to know what that is, and I believe you won't either.”

He had noticed Riko, staring at him, when ripping off his shirt to cut into hidden skin, he had also paused to gaze over Nathaniel’s scarred yet toned chest.

“Riko wouldn't be interested in me like that.”

“But he is, and that hasn't happened before. I don't want something to happen to you.” the concern in his voice was surprising to Nathaniel.

“What do you suppose I do? I can't say no to him.”

“Leave. With me.” Nathaniel flinched violently and looked around as if someone was listening. 

“What are you talking about? We can't leave.”

“Not right now, but soon, I'll work everything out. I'll protect you. I'll get you out of here.”

“You can't,” his voice broke.

“I will, I promise, I'll get you out of here. We’ll leave, and we’ll play together. I promise you

………………………………..(Present time) *Quite confusing, I know*

 

Johnson’s words were lies, even if he didn't know them. Kevin wasn't a good guy, he was a liar.

He reached the bedroom, and saw Riko studying at his desk. Riko looked up at him when he entered, “What's wrong?” he asked immediately, even though Nathaniel always hid his emotions 

“What do you mean?”

“You're face always gets too unemotional when you're upset.” How had Riko even noticed that? “Tell me what's wrong. I'll deal with it,”

“It's Kevin.” Riko’s jaw clenched but he remained silent, “We're seeing him tomorrow and Johnson was saying how he wasn't a traitor and that he was right to leave and-”

“Johnson said what?” Riko’s voice was angry, “Kevin abandoned all of us! Don't listen to whatever Johnson said, he probably helped Kevin leave the same as Jean!”

“Jean-Jean, helped him leave?” Nathaniel asked, betrayed.

“Yes, they’d been planning it ever since Kevin’s unfortunate ‘Accident’ ” 

Nathaniel sank onto the bed, “He didn't tell me, I didn't know- he…”

“I know, believe me, I know you wouldn't do anything like that to me.”

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not believing.”

“In what?”

Nathaniel didn't answer, only got up and ghosted a kiss on Riko’s lips. “We should start heading, the game's about to start.”

As they walked towards the lockers, Nathaniel's unspoken answer rang clear in his mind;

For not believing that you we're the only one I could trust.


	7. Chapter 7

The small hours of waiting until till the game drew on tediously slow in Nathaniel’s opinion. He sat, ready and waiting, his leg bouncing up and down with adrenaline. He needed to be out on the court. Soon enough, Riko, who was sitting beside Nathaniel, saw his restless leg and calmly placed his hand on it, holding it still. Riko kept his face in a neutral expression, not even glancing at where Nathaniel was sitting beside him, as he talked to another player. Riko never took his hand off, even when the bouncing stopped. Nathaniel found it comforting. 

Soon enough, he heard the commentators voice beginning to speak over the roar of the crowd that had gradually gotten bigger. It was time. He pulled his helmet on with surprisingly clumsy hands and cursed at himself for letting his nerves get to him. Suppress the fear, embrace nothing but exy and pain. Once he got his helmet on, he felt Riko’s hand slip into his own, and Riko gave his hand a shockingly gentle squeeze before dropping it. Embrace exy and pain; and maybe Riko. 

As they walked onto the outer court Nathaniel was deafened by the noise of the crowd, of the drums playing the ominous battle song, sounding strong amongst the cheers and jeers from all sides.

He kept his helmet on, not daring to look to the crowd. He was kept a secret all his life, this was his moment to shine.

Riko tossed a coin with the other team captain, the other won first serve. It didn't matter to Nathaniel though, as he knew they would win.

The teams got into position as Nathaniel sat at the outer court, not to play until second half. He could wait, he'd waited too long to give up now.

The game started strong with the other team's dealer smashing it towards the goalie as the strikers and backliners got into position, the goalie sent it flying back in a sudden, strong movement. But it wasn't fast enough, the pass was easily intercepted by a raven, and soon enough Riko was standing in front of the goal, the red light filling the crowd with the ability to shout twice as loud as they'd already been shouting. Nathaniel was beginning to love the noise.

By halftime, the Ravens came off the court sweaty and cheerful, but then came Riko, fury clear on his face.

“3? You let them get 3 fucking points! That's 3 too many!”

“But Riko,” started one of the naive rebellious newbies, “We got 16! It's enough to win.”

The hatred in Riko's eyes made the newbie visibly retract into himself, his confidence fleeing the country.

“Nathaniel,” Riko started, turning to where Nathaniel stood, fiddling with his hair and his helmet at his side. Nathaniel dropped his hair and almost his helmet at the mention of his name, not out of fear but surprise. “Yeah?”

“You're not allowed to let in any shots,”

Nathaniel dropped his helmet. “But I-”

“What do I always tell you? No. Buts.”

Nathaniel swallowed, “of course, no shots. No points.”

“That's it love,” he said, caressing his tattooed cheek, Riko stepped closer and whispered in his ear, “Prove to me not only that you deserve your number, but that you deserve more than your number. Prove to me you're worth my time. What happens now will decide if you get pleased or punished tonight.”

Nathaniel exhaled a sharp breath, and looked round to find the team suddenly finding the walls surprisingly interesting, and they kept their eyes averted from the two of them to look at the oh so fascinating walls.

“Let's go Ravens. Destroy them, mercy is for the weak.” This wasn't encouragement, this was a threat.

Nathaniel, couldn't feel himself leaving the changing room, he couldn't feel walking onto the outer court, couldn't feel him getting into position as he got onto the court; yet suddenly there he was, staring at the other team as his heart synchronized with the beat of their school’s drums.

The whistle blew. Nathaniel grinned. Over 550 miles away, a boy with dark hair and green eyes watched silently.

…………………………………………

“And we're back, folks! The Ravens are currently in the lead, with 16-3, but the other team could still pull through. On the Ravens lineup, there are some fresh faces. And one player, without even playing yet has already caused controversy and gossip among us exy fans,”

Kevin’s grip on the remote tightened as the ravens walked onto the court, he didn't have much time, and he should really be preparing for the Foxes first game but he had to see him. He hadn't seen him since the accident, hadn't seen his tattoo. 

“Oh, I think I can see him! Yes, the new backliner, Nathaniel Wesninski, is coming onto the court as Number 3. His helmet is currently on, so we can't really know if he has a tattoo presenting him a member of Riko’s own “Perfect Court” but it certainly is quick for coach Tetsuji Moriyama to have placed him as such a high number. Could the Ravens already have a worthy replacement for former striker for the Ravens, Kevin Day? But the real question is, can Nathaniel prove himself to be worthy of his number, especially at such a young age?”

Kevin dropped the remote when his knuckles turned white, and his injured hand started to hurt. Why hadn't he taken Nathaniel with him? Then he remembered. He remembered the one reason why he couldn't and never could take Nathaniel. It was because-

“Nathaniel, huh?” Andrew’s voice pierced through Kevin’s thoughts, distracting him.

“Wonder where I've heard that name before? Oh yeah, almost every fucking night for the last few months!” Andrew loved to sleep, and Kevin’s secret was irritatingly keeping him awake. 

“So, who's Nathaniel to you?” 

Kevin noticed he was off his meds, due to his agreement with coach. So he knew that the curiosity in Andrew’s voice was genuine. Never tell your secrets to a sober Andrew, or any side of Andrew actually, but sober Andrew was the worst of all to tell.

“He's no one. Shut up and go get ready.”

“Defensive are we? Well when you're done brooding about your boyfriend, you get ready as well. You look a wreck.”

“He's.Not.My.Boyfriend!” Andrew just smiled at him (The smile he used to convince people he was still on his meds) and walked up to Kevin. Kevin tensed as Andrew’s blade casually and lightly pressed against his stomach.

“You will tell me, I don't care when. I'd rather you tell me first before accidentally blabbing it on live TV at Kathy’s.” Andrew dropped the knife and Kevin relaxed a bit. “Come on, Kevin. You really think i'm gonna stab you now? Remember our promise, plus Coach would kill me. Tell me whenever you're ready or whenever I get bored of waiting.” Kevin nodded and Andrew didn't wait around for vocal confirmation. Soon Andrew was gone and Kevin sank back onto the couch in time to see Riko score yet another goal.

How could he tell Andrew about Nathaniel? Nathaniel was different, Nathaniel was special.

No, Kevin reminded himself yet again as he had done so before. No. Nathaniel was dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about writing a really smutty chapter soon but I don't really know so tell me in the comments what you think about that, it would probably be about the "Pleasure or punishment" promise from Riko. Also I still have exams on but I was like screw it, it's been almost 2 weeks, post a new chapter NOW. Thanks for reading and sticking with me and hopefully I'll have a new chapter up soon! (With or without smut, you decide) xx


	8. You cant remember the details of a nightmare

The game was over before Nathaniel could process the experience of playing his first game. The whistle sounded and the Ravens cheered while the other team collectively sighed due to the disappointing but not surprising defeat. Nathaniel looked over to the score,

“28-4”

Four. Shit, he'd let one in. when did he do that? He'd pay for that, he knew.

Soon the team's started filling out after the after the game handshakes and well dones were exchanged. Nathaniel was called over by Riko, who was standing at the entrance of the room they used for interviews.

“Nathaniel!” he was using the over-animated voice he reserved for the public, “Come do the interview with me?”

Nathaniel jogged over, his gear and helmet still on, and together he and Riko entered the room. They walked towards the table where the Master was sitting, facing a few rows of chairs, where interviewers and cameramen say. It was really busy, and some of them had to stand at the back. Nathaniel and Riko sat down next to the Master. Nathaniel was blinded by the flashes from the cameras and deafened by the endless questions thrown at them by reporters.

“Alright, alright!” interrupted the master, annoyance clear in his tone, “My top players to not have the time or the tolerance to deal with hundreds of questions at once, please, be more considerate. Especially of our newest, Nathaniel, he's not used to this stuff yet.” 

They calmed down at that, and politely raised their hands, “Thank you,” the Master said much more calmly now, “Now I have to make a swift departure, but feel free to ask Riko and Nathaniel anything you wish.”

With that he left, and Riko started his act, “Hi! How are we all doing today? So glad you could join us today, on our first game of the season, and Nathaniel's debut into the world of exy.” His smile was dazzling, and Nathaniel blinked at him, he'd only ever seen Riko’s stage smile on a tv. In real life… Wow. Just wow. 

“So for the first question, how about you in the pink sweater?” Riko gestures to a blonde woman with bright red lips, whose manicured hand was fluttering impatiently in the air, “Oh, thanks darling! Well, I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say, shouldn't Nathaniel take his helmet off?” 

Her bright, fake question gained a serious of approving murmurs, and cameras were lifted in anticipation of Nathaniel’s first ever gave reveal. 

It's time.

Nathaniel took a deep breath, and took off his helmet. Instantly the lights of cameras flashing fills the room, illuminating the “3” on Nathaniel’s cheek.

“Nathaniel! Nathaniel, does this mean you're part of the perfect court?”

“Are you Kevin's replacement?”

“How long have you had the tattoo?”

“Does Kevin know?”

“Did you know Kevin?”

“Jeez,” Nathaniel shocked everyone into silence with his first words, “Why is everyone so obsessed with Kevin? Is it my face? Because I was pretty sure that It was gorgeous.” That earned him a few respectful chuckles and even some agreeing nods. The reporter's raised their hands once again.

“Nathaniel?” Nathaniel looked to see a shy guy with really curly hair with his hand raised, “Yeah?”

“How come you got a tattoo so soon? How long have you known Riko?”

“I actually grew up with both Riko and Kevin,” the reporters perked up at this and started scribbling down notes, “Yeah, my parents were in an accident and were close to coach Tetsuji, when they died he took me in and taught me exy.” the lies left his mouth easily, his rehearsed story sounding casual on his tongue. “I lived my life waiting until I could be on the court officially with Riko and Kevin. But then… Kevin's accident caused him to act selfishly, and to stop caring about who would be affected by his sudden departure. But I have Riko and the Ravens, so I don't need to be teammates with a lying traitor.”

With that, the whole rooms hands shot up, Riko let loose a shaky laugh, and Nathaniel knew he'd messed up. 

“What my teammate is trying to say, is that Kevin, although a once great member of our team, is not going to outshine Nathaniel with his new team. No more questions please.”

With that Riko stood up, and tugged Nathaniel up by his arm. They walked towards the door. There were shouts of protests and frantic questions being thrown at them.

“Wait, Nathaniel.” It was the boy from before, “If Kevin was watching this, what would you say to him?”

“Hmm…” He turned around and paused in false consideration, then smiled cheerfully and said,

“Fuck your promises.”

 

………… (Meanwhile)

 

“Fuck your promises.”

Kevin knocked over the table with a shout of frustration. 

Andrew was sitting on the couch, laughing, while the rest of the team looked at Kevin confusedly.

“Kevin,” Nicky started, “What happened with you and that fine hunk of dude on tv?”

Aaron hit Nicky on the shoulder, “stop being weird, he's a raven.”

“I would still tap that, even Eric would agree.”

“Everyone quiet,” Dan’s strong voice carried through the whole room, “It's half time, we need to go out there in our best form. Kevin,” Kevin didn't acknowledge her, just stared at the table he had knocked over. “Kevin!”

Kevin looked at Dan, freshly snapped out of his daze. “I'll be alright, we need to get out there and win.”

“We'll continue this conversation later, we WILL Kevin,” she said at Kevin's noise of displeasure. “But right now foxes, get your asses back on that court!” she clapped her hands together and stood up. 

Soon everyone has left save for Kevin, who ran his fingers through his hair and tugged slightly, he looked at the tv to where he had paused on a close up of Nathaniel's face. The “3” shone brightly in the camera light.

“Remember what he did. Remember what he did to you.” Kevin mumbled to himself, tugging harshly on his hair now.

“You have to remember Kevin, because he doesn't. He'll never remember what he did to you.”

Kevin walked out of the room, avoiding looking at his scarred hand.

………………

After the interview ended and the team was back in the nest, Riko turned to Nathaniel, “ I told you not to let anything in. But we still won, so I won't forget that. And you got over excited in the interview, i didn't appreciate that. So we'll start with the beginning of your punishment. First, get showered, then come see me in our room. Be quick, I'm gonna use our private shower.” Nathaniel knew better than to try and bargain with Riko, after all, he did break the rules. He deserved to be punished.

His shower was brief and he out on a loose short sleeved black t-shirt with black leggings that showed off his toned leg muscles. Hopefully it would calm Riko a bit, Riko loved seeing Nathaniel in leggings. He went into his room, Riko was sitting at the desk.

“Take off your t-shirt” Nathaniel didn't hesitate, exposing the countless overlapping scars that were spread across his chest, back and arms.

“Good, I like it when you don't defy me. Now take off your leggings.”

He done this, but hesitated at first, only going faster at the look on Riko’s face. Soon he stood in just his tight fit boxers (Riko chooses his clothes) and black ankle socks. His scars were the worst at his thighs, as they were one of the easiest places to hide, and the closest area to his intimate bits. As Nathaniel knows most, Riko loves to mix pain with pleasure. 

“Good, now we're going to watch the game with the rest of the team. You will wear only your boxers and socks for 2 weeks when you're in the nest, exceptions being training or when I specify. Also you aren't allowed in our room unless I'm there, so all studying can be done in the main room or someone else's room. If you want to expose yourself on tv, you can do it with the team as well.”

Nathaniel gulped, but knew that wasn't the worst of it, this wasn't the first time he'd been on a no clothes ban, the team would understand. His scars were irrelevant, or so he told himself.

He walked with Riko to the main room, and Riko surprised him by taking his hand before they entered, “You do know why I'm doing this, don't you?” Nathaniel nodded, looking down and not meeting Riko’s eyes. Riko took a hold of his chin and tilted it to face him, “Use your words babe. Why do I do this?”

“Because you love me, and I deserve it. It's to make me perfect, correct my mistakes.” He was reciting words he had heard countless times before, believing all of it. Riko was, after all, the only person to ever show him love. He didn't know any better, this was the only way he knew how people showed their love. Riko loved him, he deserved this. Riko brought his free hand up to Nathaniel's cheeks, inches away from caressing it, with his fingertips just lightly touching Nathaniel’s cheek. Nathaniel tried to lean into the touch but Riko quickly withdrew his hand, leaving Nathaniel feeling desperate.

“Let go watch the foxes.” Riko entered the main room, a half naked Nathaniel following after him.

Riko has gathered the whole team into the main room, and they all sat waiting for them so they could start watching the game. Everyone's surprise was noted by Nathaniel, he was really good at reading people but their expression of surprise was written so clearly on their faces it was ridiculous. The new additions to the team flinched at the right of the scars that littered Nathaniel's body, the others we're used to it. Riko said nothing, so Nathaniel said nothing, and they both sat on the couch. Riko turned on the TV in silence and they all watched the foxes game in which they lost to Breckenridge at 4 points to 12.

Nathaniel tried to not to focus on Kevin and instead focused on how bad they were. The striker Gordon looked like he wanted to murder everyone, and attacked Kevin twice during the game, but he quickly backed down when the goalie Andrew banged his stick on the ground. Nathaniel had heard a lot about the infamous Andrew Minyard. He vaguely remembered Riko talking about making him a Raven. Andrew refused. 

The game was outstandingly terrible, and the team wouldn't connect with each other, they were also down to the minimal number of players after the strikers Janie Smalls suicide attempt. He doesn't think they'll last long enough for the Raven’s to play them. 

The game had finished and Captain Dan Wilds and sub goalie Renee Walker were being interviewed. The pastel haired, sort spoken girl made Nathaniel uncomfortable. She sounded too genuinely kind. The female captain sounded too optimistic for the season, surely she recognizes just how shitty her team is? Nathaniel was surprised that it hadn't been Kevin who'd tried to take the easy way out, this team was way below his standards.

Soon enough though, the team had started celebrating, taking out the alcohol and drugs reserved for after that had won. Riko allowed all of this surprisingly, but didn't take anything just drank. Nathaniel didn't like the drinking or the drugs so when Riko want to go join the partying, Nathaniel stated sitting on the couch.

He had horrible memories from drugs, he'd been forced by Riko to take everything and anything, just for Rikos enjoyment. “You're so much more fun high” he’d always say. His tolerance for drugs and alcohol is higher now, too high for a boy his age.

“Nathaniel!” Riko was standing at the door ready to leave, Nathaniel hasn't even noticed.

“Come on, you junkie. We have to have an early night, we're going on the talk show remember?”

Riko grinned, “You get to see Kevin again.”

Nathaniel walks out of the main room with Riko, waving and muttering a goodbye to everyone.

“Just so you know,” Riko said when they got to the room, “I'm not gonna punish you tonight. Not when you're going on tv. They'll notice if you're struggling to walk or sit down.” He laughed humorously at his foreshadowing.

“Get to bed Nathaniel, big day tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no smut yet! I know, I just want the talkshow to happen sooooo bad. There will be smut though. Thanks for reading xx


	9. Chapter 9

He woke early, even earlier than usual, and slipped out from under Riko’s arm, stopping suddenly when Riko sighed in his sleep and shifted. Nathaniel looked at the watch on Rikos bedside table. It was too early, practically still night. Yet Nathaniel couldn't sleep, not with the thought of him seeing Kevin again. He left their room and made his way to the living room.

The room was darkened by the black decor and lack of light, yet with the lights on it gave the room a harsh, bright glow. Nathaniel preferred the dark. He paced around the room, his restless body preventing him from getting his much needed sleep. A bright light and vibration coming from one of the couches startled him, and he jumped back in shock. Someone must have left their phone in here, he thought.

He checked the black phone, same make, same case, same cover as the rest of the team's. Yet he knew it was Jean’s, knew it from the familiar dents, knew it from the goofy picture of them both, that he knew Jean had set at his home screen. He opened the phone, the password the same as it had always been and checked the message.

Kevin: Saw the game, how's N holding up?

His heart stopped. Traitor. The traitor had been talking with Jean, he scrolled up without replying, checking for previous messages. He found messages from the night Kevin left.

K: I have to take him with me, I can't leave him

J: You have to. He doesn't know what he's capable of. We’ve been over this, who's fault was it?

K: It's his. It's Nathaniel's.

J: Yes, it was Nathaniel's fault and that's why you can't take him. 

K: i'll come back for you I won't leave you with them

J: so you say, just get to your dad and forget this place. Forget about Nathaniel, he's not the same anymore.

The bright, harsh glow of the phone blurred from Nathaniel’s sight, caused by the furious tears forming in his hatred filled eyes. He didn't let them roll down his cheeks, showing his rage in something other than useless water in his eyes. He threw Jean’s phone into the wall, filled with all the fury he had kept bottled up. The sound of it shattering echoed across the silent, sleeping nest.

Within a few minutes, there were Ravens standing at the door, watching him in confusing curiosity, unsure if they should get closer or to run away. Nathaniel didn't look at them, and continued staring at the remains of the phone, scattered across the floor.

“Nathaniel?” Jean’s caring tone made Nathaniel’s blood boil.

“Forget about Nathaniel,” He quoted Jean viciously, spitting the words out. “He's not the same anymore.”

“Nathaniel? What are you talking about?” He took a step forward, but at a look at Nathaniel’s angelic face, twisted into a scowl of pure anger, made Jean step back.

“You know what I'm talking about.” He took a step forward, and the now fearful Ravens took a step back. Then Nathaniel smiled, Jean staggered back, he had seen that smile before, he knew what it meant. 

The smile was cruel and haunting, and the Ravens collectively shuddered at the memories that came with that smile. One Raven finally found the courage to slip from the door way and get Riko from his soundproofed room. 

“Oh Jean, we were such friends. I told you everything.” He walked towards the kitchen, heads following in his direction. He opened up the fridge. “Come in, come in all. Come hear my story.”

They all gathered round, wary and staying a good distance away from Nathaniel. “So,” he closed the fridge, “Where was I? Oh yes, I told you everything. I told you about Kevin. All his promises. Did you already know, though, had Kevin already told you everything?”

 

“Nathaniel, please stop,” he pleaded in French. “I can explain.”

Nathaniel turned away from him, and started rooting around the drawers. He said cheerfully, “Tut, tut, tut, Jean. it's rude to say things other people don't understand. And you didn't answer my question. Did you know? Did your “Bestie” tell you everything I thought I was sharing with you?”

“Nathaniel…” Jean looked pained.

“ANSWER ME!” He screamed as he turned back towards Jean, his hands behind his back. Everyone jumped, that voice was reserved for the dark, unforgettable side of Nathaniel. 

“Yes,” Jean said, exhaling a deep breath.

“Good.” Nathaniel’s tone dropped, and the smile reappeared. “That was all you had to say, that wasn't hard was it?”

The tension in the room was relieved slightly, then Nathaniel started talking again.

“Sorry about your phone, buddy. To put it into your words, ‘it was Nathaniel's fault’ . Sound familiar? Whatever it was that I done, how does it give you any right to decide that I couldn't go with Kevin. MY FAULT! YOU THINK IT WAS MY FAULT. IT'S YOUR FAULT, IT'S YOUR FAULT. HE LEFT ME BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM TO!”

The Ravens realized too late what Nathaniel had in his hand. The knife flew across the room, landing in Jean’s foot. He yelped and swore in French.

“Nathaniel!” Riko ran into the room. He looked down at Jean, who had crumpled to the floor in pain, cradling his foot.  
“Someone call the medic, the rest of you go back to sleep. Nathaniel, come with me. Now.” 

He left the room, Nathaniel following silently, not daring a glance at Jean.

When Riko and Nathaniel reached their room, the silence was deafening. 

“Sit down on the bed.” Riko said, in a neutral, unemotional tone. Nathaniel did as he said, after a few moments, Riko sat down next to him.

“I'm sorry.” Riko raised his hand, and Nathaniel turned his face away, baring the marked cheek to Riko. “I'm so sorry.” Nathaniel’s voice croaked. He waited for the piercing pain to come. It didn't. 

Riko’s warm arms wrapped around him. Nathaniel sobbed into his shoulder. 

“I'm so sorry,” he sobbed, muffled in Riko’s shoulder. The reassuring tone in Riko’s voice soothes him, familiar and warm. “Don't worry, baby, I've got you. I've always got you.”

Nathaniel sobbed for what seemed like a lifetime. He sobbed for the life he had ruined. He sobbed for Riko, his violence, his love. “I love you.” Nathaniel meant every word.

“I love you too.” 

Riko held him till morning.


	10. The (Im)perfect Court

A deafening silence had befallen the nest, no one looked Nathaniel in the eye. He went into the kitchen only briefly, where the hushed words stopped instantly at his appearance. Jean was not in the common room. Nathaniel ate breakfast quickly, and left with his head held high. The hushed voices resumed as the door shut behind him.

“Babe!” Nathaniel turned to where Riko was standing with two small bags, ready to leave. “We’re gonna be late come on.”

The ride there was slow, tedious, Nathaniel was trying to gather his thoughts. So much had happened, so much was yet to come.

“Are we going to talk about last night?” Riko asked the awaited question that had been lingering for far too long.

“How’s Jean’s foot?”

Riko’s jaw tensed, “Nathaniel, I asked you a question, do not make me repeat myself.”

“Sorry master,last night… He deserved it.”

“I don't doubt he did, why?”

“He had been talking to Kevin, has been since he left.”

“What has he been saying?” Riko questioned in a strained hard tone, leaning forward.

“That it was my fault, that Kevin was to forget about me, forget about that night.” Nathaniel looked away, focusing intently on the floor in order to prevent the tears that were gathering. “But-” he spoke when he found his voice again, “It wasn't my fault, wasn't it? I didn't do anything, right, Riko?”

“Yes, just like I told you, you didn't do anything”

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. I held on to that thought throughout the rest of the journey.

 

“Cathy, how wonderful to see you!” Riko gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, his public smile plastered on his face.

The woman blushed, “Oh, Riko, charming as always. And you must be Nathaniel! I feel honoured to be the one to interview you first. Am I correct in saying that you knew Kevin well, living with the Ravens?”

“Yes, Kevin and I were really close, same with Riko. not that we aren't still but his sudden departure hit us all really hard.”

“Yes,” she nodded sadly. “Still you can tell us all about it on the show! Let's go to your dressing rooms, Kevin is already in his preparing, oh, is he in for a treat!”

She strode along happily engaging in a bright conversation with Riko. Nathaniel knew only to speak when spoken to.

At the dressing room they changed into all black, no change there, and waited. After about half an hour later someone came to them to tell them they were on. 

Standing at the end of the set, Nathaniel was terrified yet exhilarated, he squeezed Riko’s hand, earning him an encouraging smile from Riko. He turned towards where Kevin and Kathy were talking. It infuriated Nathaniel to see Kevin like this, smiling, talking about the season, getting on perfectly without Nathaniel. Now they were discussing the district change. Riko readied his stage smile and dropped Nathaniel’s hand, it was almost their cue.

“We are all very busy,” Kevin was saying. “It is difficult to keep in touch.” Lies. Filthy lies. Nathaniel puts on a smile, hoping that the fury in his eyes wasn't burning too noticeably.

“Well then,” Kathy said with pure excitement, “Have I got a treat for you!”

Then came the music, the dark melody with heavy drums. Amidst the roaring chants of “King! King! King!” from the wings came Nathaniel and Riko. Riko first, like always, he was number 1. As they came into view Kevin eyes were fixed on them, his face pale and blank, the all-too perfect smile gone. 

After they greeted Kathy, giving her a polite kiss and half hug, they took their seats on the couch opposite Kevin.

“Isn't this great?” Kathy smiles to the camera, “Their first reunion and first on screen gathering of the new ‘perfect court’”

“Kevin.” Riko stood up, “I've missed you brother.” Riko walked over to Kevin and gave him a hug. Nathaniel looked away, his jaw tightening, he hoped he wouldn't have to hug Kevin, he didn't know if he could make contact with the traitor ever again.

“I know,” Kevin spoke, his voice hoarse, he cleared it before continuing. “It's been a while.”  
Nathaniel’s attention was drawn towards an abrupt noise that came from the audience. He couldn't see out who it was but he somehow knew it was their infamous goalie, Andrew Minyard, being held down by several of his teammates. Nathaniel smirked at him knowingly.

“From what I've heard, it seems as if you haven't been in contact with each other.” she shakes her head with a sad look. “How could that have happened, you guys were inseparable!”

Riko nodded, “It was a very hard time for both of us, and all of the Ravens. We had had everything, our lives were devoted entirely to exy and each other. It took a long time to come to terms with the accident and I think that's what drew us away from each other.” Nathaniel swallowed a scoff.

“But for this long?” Kathy sounded hurt, as if it had anything to do with her.

“We had all this pressure, juggling three teams, university classes, pressure from the public. We thought we could handle it.” Kevin looked away. “We couldn't.”

“When you two disappeared, everyone thought the worse. Last the public knew was that you'd gone skiing. I didn't even realise what the worst really was until Coach Wymack made his announcement.”

“It was definitely the worst for us. We were gonna play Court next year, going to achieve our dreams, what we had spent our lives training for. When Kevin had his accident, it crushed that dream.” He paused, “I don't think Kevin will ever play court now.” Nathaniel wondered how he managed to make the words sound sympathetic and threatening at the same time.

“Everything had changed. It was easier to just walk away. Unwise,but easier.”

“I understand.” Nathaniel wanted to laugh at her terrible choice of words. “Still,” she continued “You're looking and playing well Kevin, wouldn't you agree Riko?”

“Actually, Kathy, speaking as Kevin’s brother and best friend, I don't think he's at his best. He's pushing himself, and if he pushes too much he's destined to break. He being reckless in regards to his injury, and I fear this may lead to further harm. I say this in his best interests, of course.”

“Yes, maybe you're right,” her voice brightened “But I'm sure if he's came this far, an injury won't be the thing to stop him. Anyway moving on, I think we’ve got to address the elephant in the room. The one with a three on his cheek, Raven’s new backliner Nathaniel Wesninski!”

There was a roar of applause,it startled Nathaniel, he hadn't realised he'd gotten popular. 

“Surprised?” Kathy picked up on his reaction. “Indeed, you've caused quite the scandal, number two leaves and number three shows up out of the blue and announces he’s actually been here the whole time? Not to mention your infamous statement to Kevin, which was recorded live on tv.”

“Yes, I'll admit it was quite the drama.” Nathaniel said with a half laugh.

“So let me ask you this, Nathaniel, what is your side of the story? How did Kevin’s departure affect you?”

“I have to admit Kathy, it was really hard. Obviously Riko and Kevin grew up together but although I came a little later, I grew up with them too. They were my brothers, and I finally had my chance to play in a real court with them, with the Raven’s. Kevin ruined that.” He practically spat the last words out, as he stared down Kevin, who refused to meet his eyes.

“Surely you can't blame Kevin for the accident?” Kathy sounded shocked, but she loved how juicy this was getting, Nathaniel could tell from the glint in her eyes.

“Not for the accident, no. But for leaving. For leaving me alone without even an explanation, or a goodbye.”

“I'm sorry that Nathaniel is speaking this way, he's just a bit upset.” Riko cast a warning glare to Nathaniel, he ignored it.

“Nathaniel, I was-” Kevin started but was interrupted by Nathaniel.

“Where were you? Was I not worthy of a goodbye? What about your promise?” At that Riko’s eyes narrowed, he hadn't been told what this promise was.

“There it is again,” Kathy latched eagerly onto the drama unfolding before her. “The promise. What did Kevin promise you, Nathaniel.”

At that moment Nathaniel realised what had happened,Riko had pure rage in his eyes, Kevin was scared at what Nathaniel would say next, and the whole audience and Kathy were on the edge of their seats in anticipation. In summary, he had fucked up.

“Just that he would be in the Ravens with me when I made my debut, and when he had the injury he promised that he would be there for the opening game, regardless of what happens.” Nathaniel had adopted a quieter, calmer tone. More submissive. Both Riko’s and Kevin’s shoulders relaxed, the danger had passed. Nathaniel decided not to say anymore.

“Well folks sadly that's all we have time for, you saw it here first, thank you boys for coming here today, big round of applause for our perfect court!”

We got up at once, kissed Kathy goodbye and walked off into the wings. Riko’s silence was menacing, he wouldn't even look Nathaniel’s way.

Nathaniel broke the silence when he was sure no one was in sight but the three of them,

“Riko, I-” he broke off abruptly as a hand wrapped around his throat and shoved him up against the wall, his lithe frame making it easy for Riko to lift him.

“I will deal with you later bitch.” he snarled, clenching Nathaniel’s throat even tighter before releasing him completely, letting him collapse to the ground and wheeze.

“Kevin,” Riko said with a too happy smile, and took a step towards him. Kevin stood back, but he didn't have to, someone was blocking Riko from Kevin, someone with an almost manic grin.

“As always it's a pleasure to see you Riko. Still in the business of destroying your team in order to inflate your ego, I see.” He looked down at Nathaniel, staring at the ground with bruises starting to form on his neck.

“Get the fuck out of my way, Minyard.”

Nathaniel was curious, he'd never seen the goalie before, only on TV and he always wore his helmet. His only discernible traits that Nathaniel knew of was his temper and height.

So when he looked up and saw Andrew, he wasn't prepared to see a man that was handsome.

He'd always imagined him as a sour, temperamental guy who thought he was too good for anyone, which was true, except he pulled it off.

And Nathaniel, who had never felt attraction towards anyone except Riko, found himself shocked by the fact he thought Andrew was _hot._


	11. A pathetic team, caring doesn't get you anywhere

Nathaniel quickly lowered his face, but not before Andrew had glimpsed at his face, seeing him with a broken facade. Usually Nathaniel could control his emotions but right now he doesn't even know what this feeling is. 

Nathaniel stood up, careful to not show his pain for the bruises on his neck. Pain was weakness. Nathaniel wouldn't give Kevin the satisfaction of seeing Nathaniel in pain.

Nathaniel looked down at the ground, refusing to meet Kevin’s eyes. He didn't know if he could mask his feelings, hate, anger, loneliness. Loneliness? When did that cross his mind? But now that the thought had arrived, it wouldn't leave Nathaniel’s mind. He was lonely, Kevin betrayed him, Jean had left him, no one left to care about him. But then he remembers Riko. Riko had never not been there, he was constancy, safety. Sure, he was Riko’s property, as Andrew had put it, but what did that mean to Nathaniel? It meant that Riko loved, protected, owned him. What was wrong with that?

Nathaniel had been so engrossed with his thoughts he didn't notice the scene around him, Riko and Andrew were so close to each other now, their power trying to overcome the other. The oncoming fight was inevitable,it was just a matter of who was going to punch first. Kevin looked and Nathaniel, then reached out as if to take his hand, Nathaniel flinched back involuntary, leaving Kevin to stutter- “Nathaniel, I-why did-” 

He was cut off by Riko, who had stepped in front of Nathaniel, he spoke in an almost animalistic growl, “Don't touch what's mine, Kevin, unless you want your other hand to be broken.”

Andrew came to Riko, his fist raising so quickly that Riko had barely enough time to react. Just as Andrew’s fist was about to connect with Riko’s jaw, Nathaniel hand intercepted. He held Andrew’s fist, using all his strength to push against it. No one was harming Riko. Nathaniel’s blue eyes met the cold, unforgiving stare of Andrew’s hazel ones. “Fast reflexes, huh?” Andrew mocked, but didn't drop his fist, not wanting to be the first person to give up.

“Now there, let's all calm down. Kevin, Andrew, go to the bus.” a new voice spoke with authority, probably their coach,David Wymack. Andrew tore his eyes away from Nathaniel with a mere shrug, his manic smile still plastered onto his face, he grabbed Kevin by the arm and led him out too, who was trying to speak but seemed to have forgotten how resorting instead to gasping and opening his mouth like a fish.

Nathaniel looked up to see the Foxes all walking away together, a single unit, a team. He wondered how anyone could trust that many people, and how awful a team they must be if they worked together. ‘The only way to move forward, is to push others behind.’ Riko’s words.if it worked for the Ravens, why didn't the Foxes choose to focus on themselves rather than as a team. It's probably because they care about one another, Nathaniel thought, pathetic. Weak.

However, as the Foxes walked away as one and Riko gripped his wrist painfully and pulled him away in the opposite direction, Nathaniel couldn't help but to feel lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, I promise the next one will be my longest yet and it will be focused mainly on Riko and Nathaniel and also...What happened to Kevin, just needed to finish this up.


	12. The unforgettable night he can't remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SMUT WARNING* yes, I wrote smut. No, I'm not good at smut. Yes, it scarred me for life.

However, as the Foxes walked away as one and Riko gripped his wrist painfully and pulled him away in the opposite direction, Nathaniel couldn't help but to feel lonely.

The way home was painfully silent, you could cut the tension with a knife, which is what Riko was going to do, Nathaniel was sure of it.

When they reached the dark looming stadium, Nathaniel reached for Riko, “Riko, it’s my fault, I've done so much wrong, punish me as you see fit.” He didn't look Riko in the eyes, he knew he didn't deserve it.

“Oh, my love,my sweet pet, it is me who doesn't deserve you.”

Nathaniel suppressed the urge to look up in surprise, wasn't Riko pissed?  
“Yes, I know, you're surprised. I'm being nice.” a hollow laugh followed. “But my love for you isn't going to get you out of being punished. Don't you understand? I punish you because I love you. How are you supposed to get better, to learn from your mistakes? And trust me, you make a lot of mistakes. I have to fix you, there's no other way. You understand me, don't you? This is love.”

Nathaniel nodded, Riko had logic and fact and… love in his speech, how could Nathaniel not believe him, “Yes master, you love me, you can fix me, I want to be fixed.”

“Good, the nest is empty, I told everyone to get the fuck out my way or deal with the consequences. They all saw your mishaps on TV.”

“I’m so sorry, master.”

“But not sorry enough to stop repeating your mistakes. I'll make you sorry. For love, yes?”

“Yes. For love.”

“Go to the bedroom, I'll be there soon.” he took a pack of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket and Nathaniel didn't dare question him, but he knew Riko didn't smoke.

As he entered the dark, consuming stadium, he thought once more of the way Kevin had walked away together with his team, he realised now that the Foxes didn't love or care for Kevin, he almost pitied him. Almost. 

The bedroom hadn't changed in the slightest, the bed still slightly messed up and slept in, but Nathaniel looked at it as if it was completely different, it was darker, now that his eyes were used to light places, it was quieter, the sound proofed room amplifying every sound he made. It was different, and it made him feel… He couldn't name it, he didn't know. He'd never been so unsure about his feeling before and it unsettled him. Left him exposed.

He further exposed himself, stripping down so that only his tarnished skin and too slight for normal frame was showing. He'd never learnt what modesty was supposed to be. He sat patiently on the end of the bed and waited for Riko. He didn't have to wait long. 

Riko entered the room silently, the silver glint of the knife reflecting off the dim light, Nathaniel fixed his gaze on a spot in the floor as Riko caught his chin in his hands.

“So pretty.” Riko whispered, innocent and loving as he traced the knife over Nathaniel’s face.

“You would be perfect if you just gave yourself to me, it's not much to ask is it? It's not like anyone else will want you, you're worthless without me. I just want to make you perfect, you can't be perfect if you keep making those silly mistakes. I've got to stop that from happening, yes?”

With that he moved the knife to Nathaniel’s collarbone, slicing a shallow line all the way down to the right of his belly button. Nathaniel blinked. 

“Not even a flinch? Good. the thing is though,” He leaned in close, his voice hot and heavy in Nathaniel’s ear. “I want to hear you scream.”

He pushed Nathaniel onto the bed, on his stomach with a grip on his neck forcing him to face the pillow. Riko traced soft patterns with the blade, applying just enough pressure yet not drawing blood. Then he started, here and there, angry slashes that Nathaniel knew were the living embodiment of his mistakes, how his outside should reflect the inside. He knew, because Riko told him and Riko was the only one who hadn't lied to him.

He felt empty. In pain, sure, but empty, and then suddenly he felt Riko’s fingers tracing his ass, and Nathaniel let out a small whine before he could stop himself. He needed to be filled in order to feel whole again. Only Riko could complete him. The tracing abruptly ended as Riko heard Nathaniel's whine and he shoved two fingers in at once, causing Nathaniel to wince at the pain. He hadn't even realised Riko had discarded the knife, too caught up in the mix of pain and pleasure and feeling Riko caused. There was hardly any prep, and Nathaniel started moaning despite the pain, which turned into a whine as Riko removed the fingers.

“Don't worry babe,” Riko spoke into his ear, his voice low and seductive. “You won't be empty for long, but if you want it, you've got to beg.”

“Please, Riko- Ah!- I want you, please, please, I'm sorry. I'll be good, I'll be good! Just fuck me please”

Nathaniel swallowed a wince as the knife slashed briefly on his soldier, “It’s not Riko, you _useless bitch_ ,” Riko growled. “What is it?”

“Master,” Nathaniel managed to gasp. “Master please.”

“Please what?”

“Fuck me, master!” he ended in a gasp as Riko entered him in one long harsh thrust.

Nathaniel lay there, his head shoved in the pillow, lost in a confusing mass of pleasure and agony, his sole focus on Riko, his harsh breathing, his thrusts, _him._ Riko filled Nathaniel’s senses.

“Master, I’m going to- I think I'll-” Riko cut him off with a snarl. **“You'll wait.”**

It was an order, and Nathaniel couldn't disobey, he wouldn't dare make another mistake.  
After what seemed like an eternity to Nathaniel, Riko spoke, soft and breathy, lustful once more.   
“Answer this, then you can come.” he paused. “Who do you belong to?”

“You, master, I'm yours, just yours,” his words became unintelligible moans as he came.

Riko let out a low moan as he came with Nathaniel, “Good, you're mine, all mine.”

Nathaniel closed his eyes as Riko pulled out and lay next to him, as he snuggled into him he mumbled sleepily, “All yours.”

 

…………………...

 

Meanwhile, the foxes were silent, uncomfortably so. Many questions lingered in the air, just waiting for someone to gather the courage and ask Kevin, the drunken, on the edge of breaking down, exy player.

“Alright Kevin,” Dan finally spoke. “What the fuck?”

“I don't know what you mean,” Kevin stared Dan down with such a fierce glare that she and the rest of the Foxes knew that some secrets will never be shared.

The rest of the trip was silent. Andrew was grinning.

 

…………………………..

 

Nathaniel could sleep through a lot when he wasn't on high alert, and he hadn't been for a while. But he couldn't sleep through this. There was a shooting pain in his lower back, and he realised Riko was on top of him again, but not in the way he had been before.

“Riko,” he began groggily, “What are you doing?”

“Shhh, my love, go back to sleep.” But the pain was getting much worse and Nathaniel grimaced.

“What are you doing?” He tried to turn to look at Riko but was harshly shoved back to his position, face on his pillow.   
“Don't move, my love, you'll ruin it.”

He recognised the knife on his back, but Riko wasn't slashing randomly, like he usually did to get out his rage. This was calm, calculating cuts, deeper than ever. It hurt more than it usually did with Riko and he had to bite his lip in order to not cry out. As Riko continued to cut, Nathaniel tasted blood where he had started to bite more harshly on his lip.

“Don't worry, I'm almost finished.”

 

……………………

 

Kevin was at Wymack’s, it was the middle of the night, he cradled an almost empty bottle in his uninjured shaking hand. Andrew was at the window, silent.

Wymack watched the two and thought how the fuck did I end up dealing with this.

“Kevin, put the bottle down and explain things. Right now.”

Kevin took a large swig, placed the bottle on the coffee table and then stared at Wymack with empty eyes.

“He doesn't know.”

“What?” Wymack was growing increasingly frustrated, dealing with sober Kevin is bad enough. “Who are you talking about?”

“Nathaniel. It destroyed my hand, it destroyed my career, it destroyed my _life._ And he doesn't even remember.” Kevin gave a choked laugh, sounding close to a sob.

“Remember what, Kevin?” Andrew asked, his voice bland and uninterested.

“The night Nathaniel broke my hand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been so inactive! But, I'm here now and I'm here to stay. (Probably a lie, sorry) please leave some comment or something if you want me to continue xx


	13. He didn't look back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read through this so sorry if there's typos xx

“Remember what, Kevin?” Andrew asked, his voice bland and uninterested.

“The night Nathaniel broke my hand.”

……………………………… (The night of the “Accident”)

Nathaniel was gripping the side of the wall in an attempt to not collapse at the weight of the words Kevin had just spoken, “Riko wants to what?” he gasped out.

Kevin meanwhile was just as scared and panicking as Nathaniel, “A competition, between me and him, right now to decide who’s really the king of exy.”  
“Oh god, oh god, do you think he knows about… us leaving? It's way too random that he calls a match between you two on the same day that we've planning to leave.”

“I don't know but, I can't win. This is a trap.”

“I know, but the master will be watching, he will know if you're holding back.”

Kevin put his head against the wall, “What can I do?”

Just as nathaniel was thinking of something to say, a voice called out, “Kevin! Nathaniel! Hurry up, we're about to start.” They instantly obeyed, you never ignore Riko.

Once they arrived at the stadium, they saw the whole team sitting in the audience seats, silent and tense. Riko and Coach Moriyama were talking at the side of the court.

“Finally!” Riko said when he noticed them. “Nathaniel,” he spoke in a softer tone. “Here to give me a good luck kiss?” 

Nathaniel forced himself to give Riko a quick kiss but Riko grabbed his jaw and deepened it as Nathaniel tried to pull away. “I decide how long the kiss lasts, okay?”

“Yes master, good luck.” he walked towards the rest of his team, sitting beside jean who silently took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It's going to be fine,” he murmured in french.

It wasn't fine.

Kevin lost, but just barely. They were to shoot goals, do drills, their skills assessed. At the last drill it was whoever could score at their goal first. Kevin was close to the goal and had a clear shot, but then hesitated noticeably and let Riko have the ball. Coach could tell, the team could tell, and most importantly, Riko could tell that he had held back. There was a strange atmosphere, everybody waiting to see what Riko would do as he walked over to Kevin.

Riko took off his helmet, and then smiled. A bright, warm smile and held out his hand for kevin to shake, “Good job, Kevin.” Kevin stared at his hand dumbly before stuttering out, “Eh, you too, thanks.” And shook his hand.

Nathaniel released an uneasy breath and relaxed the iron grip he had on Jean’s hand with an apologetic smile.

The rest of the evening passed relatively easy. All the team gathered for dinner and Riko was in a surprisingly good mood, causing the rest of the team to loosen up and chat happily amongst themselves. The only one silent was Kevin, who picked at his food and refused to meet anybody’s eyes, which was irritating for Nathaniel, who kept trying to give some sort of signal to whether or not they would be leaving tonight. Finally as the team were finishing up they put the plates in the sink and Riko said, “Alright, Kevin, Nathaniel, you're on dishes tonight. Early night, everyone, practise in the morning.”

Soon enough everyone had cleared the room and Nathaniel and Kevin were the only ones left. Kevin started loading the dishwasher, the sound of clanking dishes and cutlery filling the silence.

“Kevin.” More dishes. “Kevin, god dammit, look at me!” the dishes stopped clanking. Kevin stood up and turned to face Nathaniel.

“He's going to do something.” Nathaniel shook his head. “It's true,” Kevin spoke again “He's just too...Happy. He's planning something.”

“You're just paranoid Kevin.” Hypocrite, he thought to himself. “He's just happy because his pride and ego are still intact.”

“I don't know,” Kevin said doubtfully.

“Even if he is planning something,” Nathaniel started. “Which is unlikely, what does it matter? We’ll be far away by then. Don't worry Kevin, I'll be right by your side, always. Remember our promise? If we go, we go together…”

“...And if we go down, we go down together,” said Kevin, giving Nathaniel a hesitant smile.

Nathaniel smiled back and made for the door, “See you tonight, 2am right?”

“Right.”

 

………………………………………………..

 

“And then wham, bam, he broke your hand! Hurry up and get to the point Kevin,” Andrew stated. “I'm almost through with this bottle and I don't have time for your dramatics.”

“Okay!” Kevin said, still faintly panting, as seemingly just telling this story was getting too difficult for him, he took another swig of vodka and continued.

………………………………………………..

 

Nathaniel went back to his room, Jean silently watched him pack a bag. 

“I can't believe you're doing this. He’ll kill you.” Jean said in French.

“I’d rather die than let him play God. He never broke me, and he never will,” his voice softened as he looked at his roommate, his closest friend and one of the only good things of Nathaniel’s life with the Ravens.

“You can still come. You can be free as well.”

Jean shook his head, “My soul is tethered here, whether I like it here or not. But… I'll miss you, you know, when you leave.”

“I'll miss you too brother.”

They didn't hug, both Jean and Nathaniel were uncomfortable with personal space and therefore never touched if they could help it, which was one of the main reasons they were so close to each other. There was nothing more comforting to them than a silent, safe presence.

Nathaniel slipped out of the door, not daring to look back and the person he was leaving behind. He knew he was about an hour too early to meet with Kevin and go yet but he wanted to give a final goodbye and fuck you to the closest thing he's had to a home, despite how cruel a experience he had had here. 

He walked silently through the corridors, scarcely breathing. Somehow, in the shadows and deserted empty space, he found peace. There was no need to associate this place with pain and fear anymore, he was leaving. Him and Kevin were starting a new life, far away form here.

Kevin didn't speak much of what they were going to do once they were out, but he did say that there was a relative that would take them both in undoubtedly, even if he hadn't met them yet. Nathaniel wasn't worried, he trusted Kevin, and anywhere is an improvement from here.

Somehow, as his thoughts carried him away he found himself outside Riko and Kevin’s room. The door separating him from his future and the cause of his tormented past. He sat down close to it, hidden in the shadows in case Riko was to come out, Nathaniel being as paranoid as he ever was.

As he sat his mind wandered freely. His thoughts were drawn to Kevin. At first, it was the idea of freedom that had made Kevin seem special to Nathaniel, but now it seemed that Nathaniel’s feelings towards Kevin were changing. He found himself smiling fondly at the memories of him laughing with Kevin. Of Kevin brushing his hair back and smiling in a brief moment of carefree happiness. Then he started to think of other things. Kevin training, his hair sticking to him and his breath coming in pants. Kevin, coming out of a steamy shower in the locker room, towel balancing dangerously low on his hips…

Nathaniel’s head jerked as Riko and Kevin’s door opened softly and slowly, and Kevin stepped out, carrying a large duffel bag. Nathaniel was going to alert him of his presence, but then he figured that if he were to step out of the shadows he would most likely cause Kevin shit his pants and make enough noise to wake up the whole nest. He’ll just follow him and wait until Kevin goes to Nathaniel’s door to get him. That was the plan, Nathaniel was already fucking it up.

But Kevin didn't go towards Nathaniel’s room. Nathaniel watched dumbstruck as Kevin turned away from Nathaniel’s room and towards the corridor that leads to the kitchen and… the exit.

Nathaniel told himself to calm down, reassuring himself that Kevin must be getting food for the journey. How smart of Kevin, planning ahead like that, he knew how much Nathaniel ate, he wanted to get him some snacks for the journey. Kevin knew him so well.

Yet as Nathaniel watched Kevin pass the kitchen and made his way to the exit, something snapped in him. Something evil. Kevin left. Kevin didn't wait. Kevin left him. 

Nathaniel sprinted to Riko’s room, throwing open the door and interrupting Riko’s angry sleepy protest. 

“Master. Kevin’s trying to leave.”

Without hesitation Riko leapt up and started to leave the room, Nathaniel leading him to Kevin.

It would have been sad, ironic even, to Nathaniel to stop Kevin just as he reached the door with the dim red “EXIT” light above it. But Nathaniel could feel nothing except the rage that accompanied the sight of Kevin leaving, his back turned away for Nathaniel.

“Now, now Kevin.” Kevin’s hand froze in the movement to reach the door handle at the sound of Riko.

“Where do you think you're going?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha I'm back! life has been hectic and writing is harddd this felt like such a long chapter but it really wasn't and I haven't even got to the good part yet. I'll try and post regularly now but we both know that ain't happening. Still love you lots and hope you enjoyed the chapter (Plus it's Friday the 13th where I am right now and for some weird reason that gave me the motivation I needed to write this?) xx


	14. Don't worry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't proof read, sorry for typos in advance xx

Where do you think you're going?” 

“I asked you a question, two,” Riko was calm, his voice soothing.

“I was just, just going out for-”

“Was it the shame of losing to me? Of knowing that no matter how hard you try, you'll always be second best?”

“No, no, Riko, of course not”

“It's master, Two.” Nathaniel snarled, “show some respect.”

Kevin looked at him with such surprise that Nathaniel wondered if he had even noticed Nathaniel was there. Riko looked at him approvingly.

“See Kevin, this is what a member of the perfect court looks like. Loyal, dedicated, brave. You were never brave, but I overlooked that because you were so great at the other two. But turns out I was wrong. You're disloyal and a coward, sneaking out like a snake under the cover of night. And you're not dedicated enough to realise what the Ravens done for you. What I done for you. The ravens gave you your talent, and they can just as easily take it away.”

With that Riko seized Kevin’s arm, and with a gesture to Nathaniel, he seized his other arm. I'm one final moment of bravery, Kevin tried to fight back, but the rage those two were being powered by was too strong to overcome. Kevin then resorted to begging,

“Riko, master, please! I wasn't going to leave, I swear! I can explain, please let me explain.” 

His commotion woke the others, the Ravens gathering in the hall to see what was going on. Riko shouted to two defenders to grab Kevin and take him to the court. 

The other ravens were trying to slip away silently, but Riko called out to them.

“everyone come to the court. I'll show you what happens to the people who betray the Ravens.”

Whilst the others past them, most clad in pj’s and walking about barefoot, Nathaniel stood with Riko, who hadn't moved.

“Master?” Nathaniel spoke hesitantly.

Without a word Riko silently pulled Nathaniel closer and wrapped him in a close, almost comforting hug. Nathaniel stood there, shocked, wondering if this was a trick. 

“You're mine, Nathaniel. You're perfect and mine, and you're always gonna stay mine right?” he squeezed Nathaniel tighter.

“Of course, master.”

“Good,” Riko pulled out of the hug and kissed him on the forehead.

“Now let's deal with the traitor.”

As they walked into the court, Riko strongly gripping Nathaniel's waist, the atmosphere was tense. Kevin was breathing heavily, being held down by two of the Ravens in the centre of the court. The rest of the team stood at the opposite wall of the court, watching, waiting. Jean was at the end of the line, his demeanour tense but emotionless, he didn't look Nathaniel in the eye.

Kevin looked up as Nathaniel and Riko entered, immediately beginning to fight against the people restraining him, to no avail. 

“Four,” Riko stated, making Jean jump. “Fetch me the goalie racquet, the heaviest one you got.

Jean started walking away. 

“Faster!”

Jean ran out of the court.

“Please Riko,” Kevin began softly. “You're my brother, I would never betray you. Don't do this.”

Riko didn't look at him as he began speaking to the Ravens, “This traitor! Number Two, was caught trying to leave in the middle of the night. We gave him talent, power, fame, anything he could possibly want, and he threw it away. So we're going to take away what he loves most.”

Jean re-entered the court, a heavy racquet in his hand which he handed silently to Riko and stood back in place, his face somber. 

“Please Riko, you can't do this…” Kevin voice dropped a bit as he whispered. “I don't want to die.”

To everyone's surprise, Riko started to laugh, a harsh menacing sound. “I won't give you the satisfaction of killing you, you're going to have to live with this for the rest of your life, and believe me, you're gonna wish you were dead,” he gestured to one of the defenders, “put his right arm out, make sure his hand is still.

With that Kevin paled, “No...No. You can't do this Riko please! It wasn't my idea, it was Nathaniel!”

With that Riko finally looked at him, “what did you say?”

“Nathaniel, we've been speaking privately, he told me to leave and then we would start a new life together. He told me he loves me. I never wanted to leave but he told me that if I didn't leave with him, he would tell you that I raped him.” 

Riko slowly lowered the racquet and looked at Nathaniel.

“Nathaniel? Is that true?”

Nathaniel was furious, yes he had said I love you to Kevin. It has been so hard for him to say it because he had never been shown love before. Then Kevin came and smiled at him and told him he was safe and that they could run away together. But just like that he had left him behind then sold him out. Love wasn't real. Kevin was just a pipe dream.

“Of course it isn't true, I love you master.”

Rikos gaze softened slightly at that, “Really?” he held the racquet out to Nathaniel, “then prove it. Break his hand.”

Nathaniel took the outsretched racquet and raised it above him, Kevin was desperately trying to get away, pulling violently to try and get his hand out of the way. 

“Please no, Nathaniel I'm sorry, I'll do anything, I love you, I swear, just please, don't do this. Please!”

Nathaniel smiled at Kevin, raising a finger to his lips and gently shushing him.

“Don't worry, it's ok, it's all going to be alright, just be quiet now.”

Kevin sighed in relief and relaxed slightly, smiling up at Nathaniel. Silence filled the court.

Nathaniel swung the racquet down on Kevin’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow! She posted again, how long will this last? Answer: not long. In my head I've already wrote this story but in reality I can't put the words down, hopefully you like this and I needyou to know that I'm terrible with like timelines and stuff and also the reason Nathaniel doesn't remember this is because he's got this coping mechanism that basically blocks out all the memories of him like freaking out, (like with Jean's foot) thanks for reading xx


	15. fuck.fuck.fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mentions depression and drugs and stuff, if you've seen the tags obvs you know this is a fucked up story but if you don't like reading about that then,

"Were you lying?”

Kevin looked up with tear stained eyes, his bottle long since empty and rolling aimlessly on the floor, “About what?”

“Did Nathaniel manipulate you into going with him?” Andrew spoke blankly.

“I-He-I can't answer that right now.” He took a few shaky breaths, “I'm sorry, don't hate me.”

Andrew crouched down beside Kevin as he lay defeated against the wall. He took Kevin’s chin in his hand and tilted his head to face him.  
“I always hate you, yes or no?”

With a yes from Kevin, Andrew kissed him, it was soft and tender, not like any of the other rough kisses they had shared before, Kevin embraced it eagerly.  
When they pulled back for air Andrew spoke, not breaking his heavy gaze on Kevin’s eyes, “Never apologize to me.”

……………………………………….((((present time))))

The moment Nathaniel woke up he had to muffle his pained scream as he moved, the room was empty and the bed was cold so Riko had left long before. All that lingered was an aching pain across his back. He could barely remember what had happened the night before and was afraid to see his back in case Riko had done something to him that he didn't want to see.

No, Nathaniel thought, he's got to think rationally. Riko loves him, whatever he done to Nathaniel, he'd done it for love.

Despite this reassurance, as Nathaniel dragged himself out of bed he wondered why love had to hurt so much.

He stumbled into the bathroom, the small light doing little to illuminate the dark decor. As his eyes adjusted to the dark he twisted his body round to catch a glimpse of his back, wincing as the movement pained him.

What he saw both shocked and confused him. Nathaniel brushed his fingers down his back and traced the letters Riko had carved there. The word “mistake” was scrawled across his lower back. The word “Riko’s” was carved on to his left shoulder. They were deep and smudged with drying blood but the letters were clear, and based on how deep the wounds were, they were not fading anytime soon.

His breath caught in his throat, making him just stare and gasp. He didn't know what to think, his mind was blurry and all he could focus on was the fact that Riko had claimed him, permanently made Nathaniel his. The glee that accompanied that was confusing but welcoming to Nathaniel. He was Riko’s. Riko wanted him for as long as this scar would last; it was gonna be there a long time. Nathaniel thought that this must be what marriage felt like. He felt loved.

“You like it?” Nathaniel jumped and looked to the doorway where Riko stood smirking at him. “I had to make sure you understood me, once and for all.”

He walked closer to Nathaniel, trailing his hand up and down Nathaniel’s still naked body. He ghosted over the words on Nathaniel’s shoulder and Nathaniel shivered. Then Riko’s hand dropped to the word “mistake”, pressing down on it harshly, Nathaniel had to bite his lip to keep his noise of pain from escaping him. 

“I had to put that word there. The word never seemed to stick in your head so I thought I would just put it on your body. Hopefully you'll be more aware of your mistakes now and think twice before you make them.”

“Of course, master.”

“Good,” Riko mumbled, then softly kissed the word on Nathaniel's shoulder. “Who do you belong to?”

“You, master, I'm yours.” Nathaniel said, gasping as Riko kissed and bit onto the wounds.

“Good, then get ready, we’ve got practice in half an hour.” Riko said with a smirk, exiting the room suddenly and leaving Nathaniel panting.  
“No fair!” Nathaniel shouted, hearing only a laugh and a door being shut in response.

He got changed quickly, ignoring how horny he was and focusing on exy. He wondered how his new “markings” would fare when put against the harsh, grueling routines of the Raven’s practice. He shrugged, he'd been through worse.

Plus he felt proud, sure they were a result of Riko being angry at him, but they were also a sign of his love, of his ownership. Nathaniel wanted to display them off to the world, if only his exy gear allowed for it.

Practice went by fast, Nathaniel ignoring the sharp pains that his back felt every time he moved suddenly. Instead, he put his focus on the game. He got an appreciative look from the master and a winning smile from Riko. that was worth any amount of pain.

When they were finished, Riko went up to Nathaniel. “You're going out with me tonight, some club or something. A guy I need to meet owns it and you're coming to.”  
Nathaniel pouted, knowing that Riko loved when he did that, “Is that boring business stuff? Are you gonna dance with me?”

Riko just pecked him on the cheek and said, “Maybe, if I get the time. You should get ready quick though, it's quite a bit away and I want my baby boy looking as pretty as always.”  
Nathaniel’s cheeks heated up, not used to this nickname. It was nice though. “Alright master, see you in a bit.” he gave him a long, slow kiss before making his way to his room to shower and get changed.

He dressed in skinny black jeans, a grey cropped hoodie and a pair of converse high tops. He personally didn't have an opinion on clothes but he knew Riko loved this outfit, having picked it out himself.

He met Riko in the kitchen area, slicing up an apple into precise slices, chewing them vacantly as he waited. He was dressed in a sharp suit, similar to the one he'd worn for Kathy’s show. As soon as he saw Nathaniel he went to him, grabbing his hand and leading them outside.

“Come on, you took ages.” Riko growled, harshly tugging on Nathaniel’s arm to follow. Nathaniel hadn't thought he'd taken that much time but he still felt disappointed and ashamed as he had displeased Riko.

“I’m sorry master,” he said softly as he crossed to the passenger side as they neared Riko’s car.

“It's alright Baby, I just wanted to have some spare time to dance with you. Now since you're late we won't get to do that, but it's ok.”

But it wasn't ok, Nathaniel had made another mistake and that meant he didn't get to dance with Riko. He felt even more disappointed.  
The drive there was long but Nathaniel slept through of of it,being tired from practice and having not had much sleep the previous night. He softly murmured and raised his head as he felt the car stop.

“Come on Baby, we're here.” Riko spoke as he went out the car. Nathaniel following him quickly.

There was a long queue waiting outside the club and there was the sound of faint music coming from the door blocked off by red rope and a fierce looking bouncer.  
Riko went up to him confidently, Nathaniel following close behind. The bouncer looked annoyed until Riko spoke to him in a low,forceful murmur. The bouncer quickly withdrew the rope and beckoned them inside.

Once inside the music was deafening, flashing lights and swaying bodies filling the room. Riko looked at Nathaniel. 

“I won't be long, put any drinks on my tab, they’ll know who I am. Don't speak to anyone, ok?” He gripped Nathaniel’s chin as he said this, a warning to behave.  
“Ok, bye master.” he spoke as he quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Riko smiled at him again and then left, disappearing through a door guarded by a surly looking guy that let him through without hesitation.

Nathaniel went up to the crowded bar, the bartenders working there looking overworked and hastily making drinks. They were very efficient though and before long there was a guy looking expectantly at Nathaniel.

“What are you having, hot stuff?”

Nathaniel just blinked at the name, not knowing what stuff was hot. “Uh, just a soda please.”

“Alright.”

As he waited, he looked around the club. Seeing sweaty bodies doing mostly inappropriate things as they “danced”. Suddenly his eyes caught sight of someone familiar. Seth. Seth Gordon. Striker for the Foxes. Standing next to… Allison Reynolds? Yeah that was her, defensive dealer for the Foxes. What a coincidence, Nathaniel doubted as he wondered what business Riko actually had with this club.

He subtly made his way closer, careful not to draw their attention to him. They were engaged in a deep conversation though, so it unlikely they would have noticed.  
“All I’m saying,” Seth was speaking in a defensive tone, “is that for such a shitty team, we shouldn't put up with half the amount of shit that we get, it's not worth it.”  
“It's cause of Kevin, Honey, and he's gonna help us improve the team.”

“Yeah right,” Seth scoffed, “I don't know why Kevin’s here but it certainly isn't for the team, he hates us and our game. Plus that asshole Riko is causing more shit than he's worth.”  
“Now that I can agree on,” Allison said, nodding. “That guy’s a prick, and he treated that man candy who was on the show with him like shit as well.”

That man candy? Nathaniel thought, my name isn't even close to candy.

“Fucking Riko. all this bother for an asshole with fucked up self esteem and daddy issues.” Seth grumbled as he took a sip of his drink. Allison laughed and then got up and made her way to the dance floor, giving Seth a quick kiss as she left.

That was it. Nathaniel had stood there, fuming silently with rage throughout the conversation but that drew a line. How dare that depressed, mediocre striker criticise his Riko.

I'll fucking show him, that junkie. Nathaniel looked around the room, quickly finding what he was looking for. There was a dealer in the corner, looking shady yet too casual as he secretly passed a packet to a guy and accepted the money handed him in return. Bingo. Nathaniel had enough money to ensure that Seth never spoke out of turn again.  
He walked over to the dealer, asked him for the right things he knew you should never mix with antidepressants. It was a quick exchange, the guys eyes never once meeting Nathaniel.

Now just to slip it in, thankfully Nathaniel was good at this stuff. He ordered the same drink Seth had, putting the drugs into that and made his way to there table. He started to sway, adopting a facade of drunkenness and, when close enough, he stumbled onto the table where they were sitting. He swapped the drinks and quickly got up, mumbling drunken apologies and continuing to walk. Seth remarked something about useless drunks and then resumed drinking, not noticing that his glass had been changed. Nathaniel left the other drink at an occupied table and went to sit at the bar, smirking evilly.

He watched as Seth quickly downed the drinks, as he slowly began to notice his system shutting down, when he got up suddenly and made his way to the bathroom, stumbling a bit, Nathaniel got up as if to follow him but was quickly distracted by Riko coming out of the room,his face stoic. He grabbed Nathaniel and started towards the exit. Nathaniel went with him reluctantly, still looking over his shoulder at the toilets. However, after an impatient tug on his arm, he picked up the pace.

“How was your night?” Riko asked once they were in the car.

“Um… nothing special,” Nathaniel said uncomfortably, his eyes downcast, he hated lying to Riko.

“Ok then,” Riko said, in a suspicious tone. Was he suspicious, or was Nathaniel just paranoid? “You better get some sleep, we’ve got practice in the morning.”

Then he started driving, his focus on the road rather than Nathaniel. Nathaniel closed his eyes, intending to sleep but being sidetracked by his thoughts, which had finally caught up with what he had done.

Seth was most likely dead right now.

But that wasn't bothering him.

The Foxes now don't have enough players.

The Ravens can't play the Foxes

Riko can't face Kevin.

Riko will murder Nathaniel.

Nathaniel’s made another mistake.

Fuck.fuck.fuck.

Despite himself, his body got the better of him and he fell asleep, although it felt restless, he kept twisting and turning. Time passed quicker though.

He awoke with a surprised cry he couldn't suppress quick enough because of a harsh grip on his shoulder, he could already tell it would be bruised.  
“Nathaniel.” Riko’s voice was a blade, as sharp as one of his own.

“Why the fuck did you kill Seth Gordon?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a long long time, a whole year! I'm not going to lie to you or myself that I'll be updating anytime soon but oh well. ((((Plus Nathaniel might be joining the Foxes soon, Would that be a good idea? I'm unsure)))) Thanks for reading!


	16. Leaving Normality, Entering Humanity

“Don't make me repeat myself. We've got training soon and I don't have the time for you to waste. Why did you kill Seth Gordon, making the foxes, making Kevin, ineligible to play?”

“Master, please, I'm sorry. I love you. He was disrespecting you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry” Nathaniel sobbed, trying to push himself closer to riko, not caring about the knife digging into his chest. 

“Don't. Don't do that to me Nathaniel. I love you. You love me. And yet you disobey me. You make mistakes. I try to correct them. Try to teach you, so I can focus on loving you and not punishing you. But you can't learn. You don't learn through pain. If I can't teach you obedience, you must learn through other methods. Get changed. Meet us in the common room.”

He pushed off of Nathaniel and left. Nathaniel lay there, gasping, before getting up and getting changed.

He walked to the common room, pausing to breathe before entering. The whole team sat there, Riko and Coach Tetsuji stood facing them all, their faces stern and menacing. They looked up as he arrived.

“Alright now everyone's here, let's begin. For those who aren't already aware, Palmetto State foxes’ Seth Gordon, their starting striker, died of an overdose last night. Because of this, the Foxes aren't able to continue in the season.”

Even though there were some wary smiles, maybe even a build up to applause at the thought of the Foxes being cut out of the game, Riko quickly shut them down.

“This is not a joyous occasion. However, we have a solution.” He spoke smugly. 

“Yes,” Tetsuji agreed. “We have been discussing this and have decided it is in our best interests to transfer one of our own players to the Foxes for however long they get to in the season. We are sad to lose him, but we want to wish Nathaniel all the best with his temporary team and expect him to uphold the reputation and skill of a raven no matter what team he's playing for.” 

Tetsuji had started clapping, along with the other ravens, but Nathaniel couldn't hear them. He looked at Riko, who was avoiding his gaze. 

He was leaving the Ravens. After so long, after dedicating his whole life to them, he was leaving.

He was leaving Riko.

“Now, Nathaniel has some arrangements to make so we shall deal with those while you are at training. So get going Ravens, we've just lost a prime player and I don't want any slack!”

They all filled out, leaving only Nathaniel, Riko and Tetsuji.

“Nathaniel,” Tetsuji started.

“Please,” Nathaniel didn't even care that he could be punished for interrupting him. “Don't make me leave.”

“We are sorry to lose you Nathaniel, but you should have thought of that before you killed- I mean- before Seth had that unfortunate accident. You need to learn that actions have consequences, Nathaniel.”

“Riko-” 

“Don't Nathaniel. You'll go. You'll play for them. They will lose, miserably, and then you'll bring Kevin home with you. Then all is forgiven.”

“I need to bring Kevin back?”

“Yes” declared Tetsuji. “Using any means necessary.”

To that Riko started to intervene, but was quickly quieted with a dismissive wave of Tetsuji’s hand. “Any means necessary.” He repeated.

Nathaniel knew what he meant. He knew Riko wouldn't approve.

“I shall stay in contact with you and expect you to do the same. My contact will be under Jean so as to avoid suspicion.”

That made another thought cross Nathaniel’s mind, “Will they even accept me as a Fox? Won't they believe me to have an ulterior motive?”

“We have considered that. So we've decided to appeal to coach Wymack’s tendency to try to fix broken things.”

“What do you mean?”

Riko spoke to once more, standing and cradling Nathaniel’s cheek, “It is a shame to tarnish such a beautiful face.” He pressed a cheek to his tattoo. “However, it has to be done.”

“Riko? I don't understand.”

“Just remember; I love you Nathaniel.”

Then Riko punched him in the face, and Nathaniel drifted off to sleep with Riko’s loving smile in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one, sorry! xx


End file.
